am 22 years old and I have been with the same guy for over five and a half years. We were in high school together, have done the long distance thing throughout college, and now we are both going to be seniors, starting the epic job search which everyone loves to ask us about. Let me be clear — he is my first and only everything. First and only kiss, first and only real date, first and only … well, you get it.
Let me describe him to you, let’s call him Matt. Matt dated before me, a couple rather serious relationships, and I am not really his first anything. Matt is literally, tall, dark and handsome. Matt loves me very, very much. He tells me every day how beautiful I am, always making a point of complimenting me. He loves to hear my opinions on things, and debate big issues. He makes me laugh. He puts up with my morning grouchiness (only addressing me as Oscar), and he helps me with all of life’s little details. He is a problem solver, a quick thinker, and a jokester. (I feel obligated to add that the sex life is awesome, even though people will automatically assume I have nothing to compare it to … trust me … it’s really good).
We have grown up together, and we have always made our relationship work through anything –including my semester abroad, a two month training cruise for him, and a five week stint in the Middle East for me. He always says that if two people want to make it work they can. We have been to half a dozen weddings together and already outlasted some of those marriages. I can easily imagine our life together the house, the lawn, the children, the dinners, the hellos and goodbyes, the love we share. We hint at this future together all the time, never directly saying the “m” word, but getting closer to it every day.
Recently, however, I have been having doubts. These doubts revolve around the simple fact that I have only ever been with one person. How do I know it is right if I have nothing to compare it to? Aren’t I missing something by never experiencing real dating, or any other classic antics of a teenager or young adult? What if I wake up and I am 40, too old to be 22 again, and I feel as if I have missed out and I can never retrieve those years again? These are the doubts that fill my thoughts, with immediate regret and distress knowing it means ending something that has defined me for over 5 and a half years. My sister always tells me how lucky I am, to have a man that loves me so much. I think it is hard for me to know what I have without ever having anything else.
About two weeks ago, for the very first time, I discussed these doubts I have been having. He was receptive, sweet, and listened to me carefully. I assumed he might have had even an inkling of doubts as well, being a 22 year old guy, in college, with friends that do God knows what, but he is content. He wants to be with me. End of discussion.
The way I see it, the options are thus: tell him I need space, thereby breaking both our hearts so that I can experience what is out there in the great abyss. Or, be grateful for what I have, and hope that these doubts will fall away with time. I know of two couples who were high school sweethearts and it has worked out, there is no doubt they were meant to be together. You see, when I tell people I am still in a relationship with my high school boyfriend, people say it is “cute”, and give me that pitying look of doom to come. Do “high school sweethearts” ever work? Are humans capable of being with only one person their whole lives?

– Sick of Doubting, Boston