He’s Suddenly “not Ready”

Friday | March 20, 2009

Love Letters Relationships

He’s Suddenly “not Ready”

Talk about a letdown …

My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years and I were supposed to move in together in 6 weeks. We live about an hour apart and we wanted to move in together to progress our relationship and see each other more often. He was the one that suggested moving in together months ago, and has constantly discussed where we should move, what we should bring, and how we should decorate and spend our weekends together. We never fight and are completely happy. He constantly tells me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but out of nowhere, he informs me last night that he’s “not ready” to move in. I have asked him his reasoning, but the words “I’m just not ready” are all he gives me. What am I supposed to do about this and what does it truly mean? I am very confused and hurt …
— pessimistic about love, concord

I’m sorry, pessimistic. What a letdown.
You’re right — “not ready” just isn’t good enough. We all get cold feet about big steps. Moving in with someone is big, for sure, but he owes you more than a simple “not now.” You deserve to know why he yanked the rug out from under the feet of the woman he supposedly loves so much.
Frankly, the way he has handled this is pretty childish and inconsiderate. He’s allowed to be commitment-phobic and freak out (we’re all allowed to freak out just before moving in with someone), but if he’s really happy with you – if he really loves you — he’s not allowed to call off a living arrangement six weeks before it’s supposed to begin and then be evasive about it.
I’m not pessimistic about love — I’m pessimistic about your boyfriend.
Demand to know more. If he can’t give you an honest answer, at least within a few days … well, I’ll let Boston.com readers give the tough love.
Readers? Thoughts for pessimistic? Is this just a bad night of cold feet? Do you believe that the relationship was flawless before his change of heart? Share your thoughts here. Read yesterday’s letter from a social butterfly here. And submit a letter to the right, please.
— Meredith