Social Butterfly Dates Couch Guy

Thursday | March 19, 2009

Love Letters Relationships

Social Butterfly Dates Couch Guy

Is it wrong to date a man who sits on the couch? Help a butterfly.

I’ve been living with my boyfriend for over a year and dating for a handful of years. During this whole time I’ve noticed he doesn’t have an active social life like I do. He always comes along with me to BBQs and parties when invited and is very friendly with my friends and their significant others, but outside of these couples parties he spends a good deal of time home on the couch while I go out to the movies, dinner and shopping with friends. When I asked him why he doesn’t go out with his friends more he says that he doesn’t really have any friends that live in the area anymore. I’ve encouraged him to start poker nights with the guys at work or going out for drinks and he always shrugs his shoulders as if he’s not concerned. For the most part prior to meeting him, I always dated guys that were outgoing, should I be concerned that he’s so much of an introvert or should I count my blessings that he isn’t out all the time with the guys?

— Social Butterfly, Boston

Social, I have to ask – are you bored with him? Are you missing the extroverted exes?
It sounds like your guy is capable of being social when necessary but that he doesn’t need social interaction as much as you do. That’s who he is. As you said, he’s been this way for years.
He doesn’t mind that you go out. He’s nice to your pals. He’s “shrugging his shoulders.” It’s not a problem.
But if it’s an issue for you – if you’re starting to get bored of a guy who’s on the couch – that’s something to discuss with him (and yourself).
You need to ask yourself if you’re getting all you want from couch guy. You also need to consider your age and what you’ll want from a partner in five or ten years. Maybe he isn’t a social butterfly — maybe he’s an awesome-stay-home-with-children guy. Start considering your priorities.
To sum up, this is about you, not him. Commence the soul searching.
People? Can a social butterfly make it work with a couch man? Tell SB what you think about her situation here. Read yesterday’s chat about pornography, dating, and divorce here. Submit a letter to the right.
— Meredith