Mad, Mad World

Monday | May 11, 2009

Love Letters Relationships

Mad, Mad World

Happy Monday. This reader is mad to the max. Help.

I’ve been out of a relationship with an ex-boyfriend for nearly six months. I honestly thought that I was in love with him and would probably marry him, and I enrolled in the same college as he did. It turns out that he was selfish, arrogant, deceitful, narcissistic and likely a sociopath. (I was young, gullible, insecure, and liked men with bloated egos, to my detriment.) I dumped him in the middle of fall semester.
It’s taken some time, but I’ve been able to adjust to my new college and I love it. I’ve even been dating other people. The problem, though, is that he makes me extremely angry, and even someone mentioning his name makes me see red.
I feel like this residual anger is eventually going to color my future relationships, maybe ruin them. How do I get over being angry at him, and reclaim my life as my own?
— Anger Management, Boston

AM, He’s gone now, yes? He goes to a different school, he has different friends … you’ve banished him sufficiently. Now it’s up to you to train yourself to think of him less.
Your anger is warranted – legitimate. But it sounds like you’re addicted to wallowing in it. The more new relationships (including friendships) you make, the more you drown out your bad experience with him. It’s best to combat negative with positive.
Feelings, especially grief, can be quite addictive. When you feel like you’re jumping on the hamster wheel of mad, take a deep breath, call a friend, or take a walk — and give it time.
You mention school, which makes me think this is a first heartbreak. It makes sense that you’re so mad. I promise you — your skin will get thicker with more experiences – and you’ll be able to better appreciate those who treat you right.
Readers? How does one stop being so crazy furious? Kick-boxing class? Stop this reader from going mad. Share your thoughts here.
— Meredith

Relationships