Dear Meredith,
My question for you deals with not my ex, but my ex’s mother. Yes, I know what you are thinking. “These types of questions are never good.”
Here is some background:
I’m a recent college graduate and have just moved back to Boston. I’m 22, female, single and enjoying life. (I’d like to add I’m blonde, blue eyed, 5’3…haha just kidding, I’ll save my personal ad for another time.) My previous relationship was in college. We’ll call him Seth and it lasted for two years. Seth ended it in Feb ’09 at the start of my last semester of college (thank you Seth!) Although I didn’t see it at the time, it was definitely the best decision for the both of us. AKA- it was headed for complete disaster and we got out while we still could. I digress; he’s not the problem (for once!) His mom is the problem.
During the two years I dated Seth, I grew really close with his family (extended family included). I loved spending time with them. So much so, that toward the end of our relationship I was more concerned that I was going to lose them rather than him. When the relationship actually ended, I asked him for permission to continue my friendship with his mom and sister (if they would like to, of course) on the terms that if it ever made him uncomfortable, I would stop all communication. He obliged. Since then, we have exchanged holiday cards and little notes. They also send me the occasional Facebook message me about what’s new in their lives and I return the favor. I never include anything overly personal (such as info on new guys I may be dating) and in return they never mention Seth. We never call, or visit in person.
Recently, as in a few days ago, I received a letter in the mail from his mother. I assumed just another holiday card, but no, this was not your average Seth’s mom holiday card. This was over the top. Not only did it include season’s greetings but (and excuse me while I flinch) it included an update on Seth’s life AND a picture. (OK- the picture was of him and his siblings but that’s beside the point) This was a curveball I was not expecting. After months of ignoring the fact that he even existed, here he was, right in front of me. UGH.
So, Mere & LL readers, my question is: What am I supposed to do in this situation? Here are my thoughts. Basically, I feel as though I have three options:
– A) I could pretend this didn’t happen, chalk it up to holiday cheer, and move on.
– B) Say something about it
– C) Run far away, screaming.
All kidding aside, I really do care for these people. I just no longer love their son. My friend’s opinions are split. Either they think she really misses me and got caught up in the spirit of the holidays OR this is seriously inappropriate and she’s trying to manipulate the situation. Seth and I no longer talk and I highly doubt he knows what is going on. Also, somewhat awkward. Anyway, I’d appreciate any advice you have. Has this happened to you before? A friend? This is new to me as I never actually liked my significant other’s family until now, hahaha.
Thanks & have a lovely holiday all!
P.S. Sorry for the LONG message!

– Esme Would Never Do This, Cambridge