I am divorced with 2 children (8 &10) and have been in a committed relationship for the past 3 years with a very loving man that is also divorced and has 3 children (16, 14, & 8). Although we have been together for 3 years, we never freely discuss our future together, our plans typically only reach out to the next long weekend we can get away or a vacation we might plan a few months in advance. We still maintain separate homes 45 minutes away from each other.
I recently brought up the topic of where this is going, do you see us living together, etc. His response was that he felt with his oldest going off to college in the next 2 years, any change in our living arrangements would be too disruptive. I pointed out that for the next 10 years it appears that one of us will always be in that situation of a child nearing college. And then he said it, I am sure it was difficult for him to say it out loud but I had a feeling this was the crux of the issue, my kids. Essentially he doesn’t think he could live with my children, at least not now, maybe in a couple of years when they are a little older, mature, less dependant.
I was crushed. My knee jerk reaction is to withdraw, remove my kids form all of our interactions and probably break up. I am not sure if I am being too emotional about this, but my heart is broken and I don’t know if I can stay in a relationship that isn’t growing. I feel like we have been at a standstill for some time now, not moving forward.
Does it seem like I am overreacting?
— Cushed, Milford