Will She Stay Or Will She Go?

Friday | August 7, 2009

Love Letters Relationships

Will She Stay Or Will She Go?

For those of you who don’t do the Wednesday chat, this guy (Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah) was online last week asking about how to deal with someone who doesn’t know how to take a compliment. He told us that he had started dating a woman who responded to every nicety with an eye-roll or a sarcastic quip. We told him not to give up on her and that some people have to get used to hearing nice things. Now Rah Rah is back with another question.

Q: Hi Mere,
This is Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah from the chat the other day. I was talking about giving compliments and how said compliments were received by the prospective lady. Unfortunately, things got a little more confusing this past weekend. We have been on a few (at least 6 or 7) dates over the course of about a month and a half and things are great. We have an absolute blast everywhere we have been. We went to the Revolution game Saturday and it was a blast for God’s sake. It seems like this is a great situation. Well, as we were lying in bed Sunday morning, we started talking about where we stand and such. She asked me straight up if I was going to see anyone else, to which my response was no. I had to wriggle her answer from her which was that she was not going to stop going on dates with other guys. She is not ready to jump into a relationship and to be honest I am not sure I am either. However, this girl has everything I want. She is a bit older than me (I am 29 she will be 31 in September). How do I win over a girl who likes me already (she has admitted as much)? I try to keep telling myself “What is the rush?” It works sometimes. Most of the time it doesn’t make me feel any better. I am afraid she’s going to keep dating and find someone better than I am for her. Or she may just figure out that she just wants to stop seeing me. I have been out of a relationship for over a year and so has she. Part of me is saying just keep on keeping on and let the chips fall where they may. But the other part of me that is saying you have to wrap this one up has a much louder voice and is overwhelming at times. One of my ultimate downfalls over the course of my dating “career” is that when I fall, I fall hard. I guess I am just looking for some insight into the female psyche. Does she really mean that she is going to keep dating or is that a ploy to keep me honest and leave her own options open so she doesn’t get hurt? Thanks a lot for your help here.
— Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah, Providence

RRSBB, I can’t read her mind, so I’m not sure what she wants. Instead, let’s look the facts.
Fact one: You’ve only been on six or seven dates, so it’s OK that she’s not quite ready to be exclusive. Fact two: She wants to keep seeing you, and that’s good. Fact three: You give this woman more credit than you give yourself. You’re worried she’ll find someone better — that she’ll figure out she doesn’t like you. Consider that you might be a pretty good catch, too. Shouldn’t she worry that she might lose you? I mean, you’re a blast.
My advice is, enjoy the time you have with her, and for the moment, stop bugging her about commitment. Instead of considering all the reasons she might bail, start thinking about what you want in a partner. Falling hard is one thing. I think it’s great that you fall hard. You’re obviously very romantic and offer a lot (including compliments) as a partner. But falling too fast is another thing. Let her earn it.
Keep dating her. Be your charming self and stop trying to read her mind. When you’ve had double (or triple) the number of dates, ask her about that commitment thing again.
Readers? Is this woman one foot in or one foot out? Can we read her mind? Can we stop Rah Rah from declaring his love too soon? Are Revolution games the way to a woman’s heart? Share here. Twitter.
— Meredith