Where Is She Between The Hours Of …

Wednesday | January 13, 2010

Love Letters Relationships

Where Is She Between The Hours Of …

There was lots of talk around the office about yesterday’s letter. I think the issue isn’t so uncommon. Good advice.
We chat at 1 p.m. today.
And … here’s another letter from Mr. Grilled Cheese, who, as we know, is back in the dating world. Let’s help.

Hey Meredith,
This is the guy who wrote the grilled cheese letter awhile back. I have another question for you.
I have been dating a woman for about 6 weeks. We are both the same age and live right around the corner from each other. I originally met her at the supermarket at the shopping plaza near my home. She had told me she works at a place in this same shopping plaza. I have been seeing her about once a week, after she gets out of work at 8 p.m.
Things seemed to be going well, and I felt like we were going somewhere. We also have been intimate after the last couple times we went out. So a couple days ago, she again told me she would call me at 8 when she got out of work to meet up. So that night, since I had some time to kill, I decided to go to the supermarket to do some grocery shopping. As I was leaving the supermarket at around 6:45 p.m., I glanced over toward the place where she works — which was at the far end of the parking lot from me — and noticed the place was dark. On my way out of the lot, I drove down there to check it out and it was definitely closed. The hours listed on the door state it closes daily at 5:30 p.m. So I found out by accident that she has been lying to me about the time she works until.
Every single time we have gone out had supposedly been right after she left there at 8. I have no idea why she lied, and I thought everything had been going great for us. We have not yet had a talk about being exclusive, so I am kind of unsure whether or not I have a right to be angry at her, since she is not actually my girlfriend yet. But it has definitely turned me off of her significantly.
She called me at 8:10 that night, and said she was so tired, and that she just left work, but she would be right over. I was very bothered by the whole thing, but didn’t tell her about it because I didn’t want to seem stalker-ish, or have her think I was spying on her. I just told her I didn’t feel up to hanging out that night, and haven’t called her since. My questions are whether or not I am justified to be angry at her, and if this is actually a big deal or not that she lied. Should I tell her I know and confront her? I also wonder what else she could have lied to me about. It seems like such a dumb thing to lie about, and it has really confused me about how I actually feel about her. Whatever advice you have is greatly appreciated!

– Grilled Cheese Guy, Boston

GCG, here’s a story. The other night, I called my cousin. She asked where I was and I said, “I’m just getting home from work.” It was about 9 p.m.
In reality, I wasn’t just getting back from work. I had gone to the gym after work. Why didn’t I tell her I was coming from the gym? I have no idea. It’s probably because the gym was just one of the many things I had to do during the day before I could go home, put on elastic pants, and watch Sunday night’s episode of “The Simpsons.” “I’m just getting home from work” meant “I’m just getting home from my day.”
I’m just saying – maybe by “work” she means “work and gym.” Or maybe her place of business shuts down at 5:30, but employees clean up in the back for an hour. Who knows?
Do I think she’s doing bad deeds between 5:30 and 8:30 p.m.? No. Do I understand why you’re put off by the weird lie? Sure. It’s the beginning of a relationship. You don’t know what’s what and you’ve found an inconsistency in her story. Makes sense that you’ve raised an eyebrow.
My advice is to ask her about it – calmly. You can even make a stalker joke if you want.
Don’t sabotage this because of a three-hour gap. Just ask. Don’t be passive-aggressive and ignore her. If you cut her off now, without answers, you’ll regret it. You’ll start to wonder whether she spent those three hours helping an elderly relative she wasn’t ready to tell you about. Better to ask. Don’t accuse. It’s 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. It’s not even grilled cheese hour. Relax.
Readers? Am I wrong? Is this a weird lie? A red flag? Share.

– Meredith

Relationships