VOE, this is unusual advice for me, but I think you need to break the radio silence with your ex. Not having any contact with him seems to be making him larger than life, more powerful than he was or should be. You describe the relationship in extremes – “madly in love,” suddenly no talking, best friends …. You dated for two years but you also spent two years growing apart. That’s a lot at once. Seems to me that a friendly “How are you?” conversation might remind you of what he actually was — an exciting guy who loved you, but wasn’t right for forever. Communicating with him may hurt, but isn’t that the goal? To feel something again? Anything? Talking to him may result in the tears you’ve been waiting for. You may get yourself some closure (the C-word!).
As for your new relationship, let’s give it some time, shall we? You’re comparing your feelings (or lack thereof) for this new guy to the intimacy and love you felt in your previous relationship. This relationship is a baby. Let it grow.
Your heart’s not gone. It just has a scab over it. That scab’s going to rip off. You may just have to itch it a bit.
Readers? Thoughts on the ex and whether this person is capable of being with a new guy? Share your thoughts here. Submbit a letter to the right.
— Meredith