Should She Hate The Player?

Tuesday | February 17, 2009

Love Letters Relationships

Should She Hate The Player?

Sounds like she should hate the game instead. Let’s help her, shall we?

I have been acquaintances with this guy for several years and have always had a bit of a crush on him. I’ve never been sure if it was mutual or not but sometimes it seems like he is interested but then sometimes it seems like we are just friends.
I don’t know in depth his dating history but he does tend to hang with girls who appear to want a certain reputation. When it’s just the two of us though he is very sweet and protective of me. I would never guess his preferences if I hadn’t seen it.
Recently he admitted to me that he has always had a thing for me too, but I froze. I have been burned in the past by “players” and so have been kind of guarded with him though I occasionally flirt a little. I am not sure what to do now. I haven’t spoken with him since he told me and while I’d like to ideally give it a shot if he is willing I’m not sure if I’m being foolish since my friends all say he is a “player.” Can he possibly be sincere or am I just getting played again?
— Confuzzled, Boston

These women have a certain reputation? What does that mean?
I would forget about the women and just accept the fact that you know very little about what this guy wants and what he’s capable of. My guess is that you’re young and so is he. You’re both guilty of mixed signals. You both have feelings that you’ve been afraid to explore.
The best bet is always honesty. Tell him you want to start a romantic relationship but fear getting hurt. He’ll probably tell you he has good intentions. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t. There are never any guarantees in dating and love, but if he turns out to be a jerk, at least you’ll know you tried. Making yourself vulnerable is scary, but if you never try, you’ll never know.
Also – don’t make assumptions about these women. Young girls who want a “certain reputation” usually just want to be liked. From my experience, they’re usually very nice once you get to know them.
— Meredith
Readers? Should presumably-young Confuzzled date this rumored “player”? Should she listen to her friends and stay away? Share your thoughts here. Read a previous letter here. Submit your own letter here. And, last but not least, read about the Celtics on Love Letters here.