She Likes Male Attention

Friday | February 12, 2010

Love Letters Relationships

She Likes Male Attention

See you tonight.
I’m so excited.
8 p.m. Noir at the Charles Hotel. Then Mortified if you have tickets. E-mail me with any questions. And please, if you have nothing to do tonight, stop by Noir. There’s just no good reason not to.

I read you every day and really need help. I’m 37-years-old, divorced from a terrible marriage, and finally dating the woman I always dreamed of when I was younger. My problem is this: She’s the life of the party when she goes out with her girlfriends and subsequently gets a ton of guy attention on these girls-night-out dates. She talks to the guys who come up to her, and I think she may have even danced with some. She has told me she always end up telling them she’s taken and insists she’s doing nothing wrong. I feel like she should kick them away straight off but I think she likes the attention and the idea that guys are attracted to her. We are talking about marriage and are actively looking to buy a house together. Should I relax about this other guy attention or is it a sign of something I should be worried about? I want her to have her space and to have her time out with friends but I am lost about when I should be worried about her behavior and when it crosses the line.

– Left home worrying!, Boston

LHW, how do you know what she does when she’s out with her friends? How do you know about this male attention? Does she tell you? Is she bragging? Or are you making assumptions?
If you’re hearing this from her, I would be a little concerned. Why is she trying to make you uncomfortable?
If you’re hearing this from her friends or seeing it in person, well, again, I’d be concerned. I’m not sure what she’s trying to do.
If you’ve jumped to conclusions based on tiny bits of information and assumptions, cut it out. This woman isn’t your ex. Does she treat you well otherwise? Is she always the life of the party? Is she real with you?
I’m all for nights out, dancing, and attention. I think it’s important to be able to go out and have fun even if you’re in a committed relationship. But I’m not for flirting so much that you upset a partner. If that’s what she’s doing, you have to talk to her about it, before you take the next step. You don’t want to wind up living with the life of the party and resenting every minute of it.
If this is in your head, start figuring out why you have trust issues with this woman. Consider some therapy. You’re making a lot of big moves with some weird feelings in your gut. Address these issues before you buy houses and walk down the aisle. Make sure that the woman you “always dreamed of” when you were younger is the woman you desire as a grownup.
Readers? Thoughts on male attention in clubs? Does it matter if she’s the life of the party? Share here. And see you tonight.

– Meredith

Relationships