How do couples know when to break up or stay together?

Tuesday | April 21, 2026

Love Letters Relationships

How do couples know when to break up or stay together?

Congrats to Boston Marathon runners. I hope you are resting with snacks.

My boyfriend and I have been talking to a lot of couples who have been together for a long time.

We’re trying to figure out how often great relationships include difficult phases and moments of uncertainty.

Sometimes it feels like couples forget about the hard times, the sacrifices, and all the things they did to make a relationship work. Or they talk about it as if it was all worth it because where they are now.

We wanted to ask your readers: happy couples, did you ever think you could potentially ever do better? Did you almost break up? What made you stay or value your partner when you were unsure? How did you choose? Did you ever think you were settling? What were things/experiences you sacrificed?

Is there a point where you know it’s best to stay together and that it’s all been worth it, despite the difficult sometimes?

– Difficult Times

I assume you’re asking these questions because you and your boyfriend have had difficult moments and want to know if you should stay together.

I don’t think we can tell you what to do, but if your relationship has involved more struggle than peace, it could be time to move on.

If you’re asking because you’ve had a few conflicts and want permission to keep loving each other, no one’s stopping you.

Age does play into this; so does the amount of time you’ve been partnered. People who got together at 19 might spend many years finding themselves as they grow as a couple. It’s like a double coming-of-age, which means there might be more conflict in the beginning.

People who’ve been together for decades might experience many months (or years) of discomfort, but then fall into a long era of bliss.

Most happy couples tell me that even in moments of misery, they know they want to stay with their partners because they don’t want to miss out on having fun with them.

Fun is always on the horizon. That seems to be key.

They know they could fall for someone else – or that they could be happy single – but they don’t want to forgo the bond they have.

They tell me, “I love this person so much that I’d rather get through the mess of life with them than without them.”

Can you say the same?

– Meredith

Readers? What’s a healthy ratio of bad times to good? How do you know when it’s worth staying with someone when you have doubts? What does it mean to settle?

Send your own relationship question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].

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