Finishing college, never had a boyfriend

Thursday | April 16, 2026

Love Letters Dating

Finishing college, never had a boyfriend

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Hi Meredith.

I’m almost finished with college and I haven’t had a boyfriend yet. I know deep down that it’s not really not a big problem. But you know … I’ve tried the apps, I tried talking to people in real life.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me. I think the issue comes from a genuine fear of being known. I think I’m pretty avoidant. When I swipe on the apps, I’m never talking to these people in a serious way, with the intention of getting to know them. I think I’m just scared of all the ways that having a serious partner would change my life.

Maybe it would change my life in ways I would want it to. I don’t know. Because I think I really do deep down want a partner. I want to be known in a way that a partner can know you. I want romantic love.

But I’m also scared. I’m scared of how it would change my friendships. How it would change me. I’m scared of becoming someone I can’t recognize. How do you think I should deal with all these feelings?

– Avoidant

You’ve jumped from “no dating” to “serious partner” pretty quickly. There’s a lot of space in between.

Perhaps if you use apps with more intention, you’ll have a few more dates and some short relationships. You might see someone for a few months and then let go.

You’ll be teaching yourself that not every love has to be epic, that breakups can be easy, that you can balance friendships with romance, and that you’re your own best partner through all of it.

The thing is, you don’t have to do any of this. Romantic love doesn’t have to be a priority if you don’t want it to be. But you said you want it. Even if you’d rather have it later, when you’re older, it does help to practice getting to know people. It sounds like it’s time to try a little harder.

Almost every relationship changes you. If you make new best friends, you change. If you move to a new city and have to grow your circle all over again, you evolve.

A romantic romantic relationship will shake things up. It’ll make you vulnerable, but …. surprise, you already are.

– Meredith

Readers? Were you afraid to get into a relationship in college?

Send your own relationship question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].

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Featured Comment

Leaving college is the last step in moving into adulthood. There’s bound to be changes in who you are, whether dating is involved or not. Embrace it, find happiness, and the rest will follow.

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