No Dates Until Boston?

Friday | February 5, 2010

Love Letters Relationships

No Dates Until Boston?

I went to the Charles Hotel last night to talk to the people at Noir about next Friday’s party. 8 to 10 p.m. Feb. 12. I’m excited. Are you?
Today’s letter is about geography.

Dear Meredith,
First off, I am new to reading your column. I love it and now check it on a daily basis. It is nice to read a column where I actually agree on the responses and suggestions.
A little background on me — I am originally from Mass., went to school in Boston, moved out to California for a while, and now live in Manhattan. While I have been moving around and enjoying my adventures, I have always known I want to end up back in Boston. It is home, my friends and family are there, and I love it. Now that I have been in New York for almost three years, I realize that my next step will be to go back home. However, I got a new job that I love in September, so I know that it won’t be for another year or two.
My question is this: What do I do about dating in the meantime? I am 27 and single. It has been a while since I met someone I really like. It is not that I am not active — I play sports, volunteer, am on the committee for a great nonprofit, am on eharmony, etc. My friends tell me I am limiting myself because I know I want to go back to Boston and want to only date someone who shares that desire. But I wonder if it is worth it to date someone here, knowing it will probably end when I move. I feel like I am at the point in my life where I want to only date someone that has potential to be a lifelong partner. I don’t size up every guy I meet as a potential husband, but guys who never want to leave New York (or are huge Yankees fans), don’t seem worth it. I wouldn’t even be opposed to dating someone who is currently in Boston. I am very happy with my life and feel like the only piece that is missing is sharing it with someone special.
I keep getting told that I am young and I should just have fun. I have had all the random dates and crazy relationships and feel like that is out of my system. So fun to me now means getting excited about a guy I actually like. What would you do in my situation? Am I just being impatient?

– Sox Fan in New York

SFINY, you’re not being impatient. And you don’t have to “just have fun.” Sometimes people who tell single people to “just have fun” don’t realize that just having fun is often not very fun at all.
My advice is to date in New York whenever it’s an option. It’s not easy to find someone you adore. If you happen to meet someone great down in NYC, play it out. I know a number of New Yorkers who relocated to Boston. I know a number of Sox fans who fell so in love in New York (with a person or a job) that they no longer wanted to come home.
The people who tell you you’re young are right. And being young means staying flexible. Don’t rule anybody out. Don’t assume that a New Yorker wants to be a New Yorker forever. Just keep looking.
And consider that maybe this whole I-can’t-date-seriously-in-New-York thing might be a defense mechanism, a way of controlling something that’s out of reach. I’m not sure that’s what you’re doing, but it’s something to think about.
Readers? Should she wait until she moves to Boston to date? Can she say for sure where she’ll want to live? Should she be looking for love in NY? Share.

– Meredith

Relationships