Is ‘strictly Physical’ OK?

Monday | April 27, 2009

Love Letters Relationships

Is ‘strictly Physical’ OK?

Ah … To be young and dating a hot guy who doesn’t like you enough … Memories …

First of all, I love your work! It keeps me going during my internship at a boring office.
About six months ago, I met a really cute guy who I’ll call Ryan. We hit it off right away but then after some fooling around, he disappeared. I found out later that he had been talking with his ex-girlfriend, hoping to possibly get back together (but that apparently didn’t pan out).
He fell off my radar until a couple weeks ago when we started talking again. He’s made it clear that he did not want a relationship with me, which is fine. I could use a steady boyfriend, but not enough to try to change him.
My question is, is it okay to have a strictly physical relationship with Ryan even though he’s said, in no uncertain terms, that he isn’t interested in me enough to have something more? Can we just mess around until someone better comes along? Or should I hold out and not waste time?
Thanks for your help!!
–Confused College Student, Boston

CCS, a no-strings-attached physical relationship with a cute guy named Ryan sounds great.
Except for this: I could use a steady boyfriend.
Your words. Not mine.
Every second you spend with Ryan is a second you’re spending with someone who isn’t a steady boyfriend, someone who has already tried to ditch you without warning.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing – especially in college – but there’s something about the tone your letter (and the fact that you felt the need to write it in the first place) that makes me think this Ryan guy isn’t worth the trouble.
I’m not so sure that messing around with him won’t also mess with your head — or distract you from meeting guys who might offer more.
Readers? Am I right? Or am I expecting too much from college co-eds? I know this reader is young, but if she wants more, shouldn’t she hold out? Share your thoughts here. Read the more than 80 comments from Friday’s letter here. Submit a letter to the right.
— Meredith