How Could I Be So Heartless?

Monday | February 1, 2010

Love Letters Relationships

How Could I Be So Heartless?

She’s a cold-hearted snake … look into her eyes.

Meredith-
Play Madonna’s song “Open Your Heart” for me, because it’s something I don’t know how to do. I’ve never been in love. I’m in my 20s and I know I have awhile to find “the one” (if that even exists) but I tend to push away perfectly decent guys for ones who are no good. People who know me say I have ice running through my veins. I instantly get turned off when potential suitors give me attention, like if they send me a text in the morning “hope you have a good day!” or try to hold my hand. I’ve dated guys in the past who were not good for me but I liked it when they gave me attention. I don’t know if I really have a heart full of coal or I just don’t like the guys I’ve been finding. I find this getting in the way of me settling down and finding the right guys. How do I stop being so heartless?

– Ice Queen, Boston

IQ, no daddy issues, eh? Good to know.
My advice is to continue this horrible pattern. Do it up. Date a bunch of mean guys who string you along and dump you. Ignore the nice guys who want to take you to dinner.
Why do this? Because you want to. And because at some point, you will get sick of it. It will get boring. You’ll get sick of yourself. You’ll get sick of these guys. You’re just not there yet. Your friends are right to question your choices, but your gut is in control. Your gut wants the chase. You have to play out the cycle.
But here’s some additional advice: please get to know some of these too-nice guys as friends. And not just the ones who want to date you … some other guys, too. Get some male friends in your life so you can learn what it feels like to develop some emotional intimacy with the opposite sex. I have this weird feeling that if you really get to know a bunch of guys, one of them will start to appeal to you, probably against your will. You’ll start to care for him romantically, whether he’s nice or not. And he won’t be so easy to give up because he’ll already be a part of your life. It will be about closeness as opposed to the game.
But in the meantime, continue on. That’s what Madonna did, despite that song. (Wasn’t “Where’s the Party” and “La Isla Bonita” on that same album?) And please, make sure these guys are good-looking. If you’re going to date jerks, they should at least be very, very hot.
Readers? Am I wrong? Can she change her evil ways? Does she want to? Will she get sick of her own behavior? Help here.

– Meredith

Relationships