BBMHRML, the Blackberry messages haven’t ruined your life. What’s ruining your life is a combination of loneliness, twentysomething angst, boredom, and lack of direction.
But you already know that. Your letter was self-aware. You don’t seem to be trying to convince yourself that this man is a potential romantic partner. You know what he provides – the male attention you’ve been so desperately missing.
Frankly, this guy’s behavior is actionable. He is taking advantage of a younger subordinate who is now stuck worrying about how she’ll network if she decides to do the right thing. Sexual harassment doesn’t get more classic than that.
But instead of lecturing you about human resources issues, I’m going to give you a plan of action for the immediate future.
1. Tell this man you’re no longer comfortable with the texts. Do it politely if you want, but do it. No excuses. Don’t make it a dramatic thing – don’t refer to the relationship as if it’s forbidden fruit — just tell him, via e-mail if possible (paper trails are good), that it’s best if you keep your relationship professional from now on.
2. Start addressing the reason you’re enjoying the texts. You need male attention? You’re feeling lonely in the suburbs? Try online dating. I’m not promising that a new boyfriend will come of it, but it’s something to do. Join some young professional clubs around Boston. Seek out male attention in safer places. You’re allowed to be 23 and sloppy, just do it around other unmarried 23-year-olds.
3. Whenever you find yourself thinking about this man, think of his wife. And then think of her again. And then think of her again. This man is cheating on his spouse. There’s nothing sexy about that. Twenty-three is a good age to figure that out.
4. Talk to your friends. Tell them what you just told me – that you’ve developed feelings for this man, and that you want their emotional support as you cut him off. Explain to them that you’ve been lonely, and whether it’s lame or not, you’ve been getting some much-needed attention from this man. Don’t lie to them – your friends are your conscience. It’s their job to be your reality check.
5. Suck it up. Being alone doesn’t always feel great, especially if you’re the kind of person who prefers to have a significant other. But occasional loneliness is a fact of life. You have to learn how to be alone without doing stupid things. It’s a twentysomething lesson. You have friends – use them. Fill your time wisely. If you start making bad decisions to cope with loneliness now, you’ll wind up with bad partners in the future.
You don’t want to be the 23-year-old who has an affair with her married boss. She’s a cliche. Be the awesome, too-cool 23-year-old who knows better. She’s in there. Let her out.
Readers? This letter writer wants to know if she has to quit her boss cold turkey. Does she? What should she do? Share here. Remember to chat at 1.

– Meredith