A definitive primer to ‘Jaws’ (and its three terrible sequels)
To celebrate the 40th anniversary of Spielberg’s masterpiece, I watched all four Jaws films in 24 hours. It was awful.
You’ve probably seen Jaws. But have you watched any of the three sequels? Furthermore, should you?
Until recently, I had never seen a single one of the movies. But with the 40th anniversary of Jaws just around the corner, I decided it was time to change that.
For the sake of inquiry, I subjected myself to the ultimate Jaws film festival: All four movies in 24 hours. After a week’s worth of nightmares (some shark-related, most terrible 3-D graphics-related), here is everything you need to know about all four Jaws films, according to me.
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The one that started it all, and the undisputed crown jewel of the series. People often credit Jaws as the first summer blockbuster without really explaining what that means. Before Jaws, films debuted in five or six theaters in major cities before slowly moving nationwide. The only films that opened wide were generally terrible films whose producers wanted to earn as much money as possible before critics could see it.
Jaws opened on 464 screens, cut down from 900 because Universal Studios Chairman Lew Wasserman wanted to build the hype, saying, “I don’t want people in Palm Springs to see the picture in Palm Springs. I want them to have to get in their cars and drive to see it in Hollywood.’’ Universal also spent a then-record $700,000 to promote the film, gambling on national advertising to build anticipation.
Regardless of your feelings on the blockbuster model, Jaws is an undeniably great film. From the opening scene of a skinny dipper devoured by the unseen monster, the tension builds, as the shark strikes terror in the beachgoers of Amity while remaining hidden ‘neath the depths.
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By the time the unforgettable trio of aquaphobic police chief Martin Brody, precocious marine biologist Matt Hooper, and lunatic shark hunter Quint (Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, and Robert Shaw, respectively) hit the high seas to kill the beast, the build-up reaches a fever point. But even when the shark is finally revealed, the tension doesn’t let up, as the trio fight for their lives for the final 40 minutes of the film.
Kill count: 5 humans, 1 dog (implied)
Best inanimate object attack: Aside from the expected boat destruction, the shark eats an entire dock.
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Most Boston moment: “Amity is a summer town … if people can’t swim here, they’ll swim at the beaches of Cape Cod, the Hamptons, Long Island…’’
Overall rating: 5 sharks
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To say Jaws 2 is the best of the sequels is a consummate example of damning with faint praise. The film’s flaws are apparent from the first scene, as the shark makes an appearance three minutes in, ruining any potential suspense.
Of the original trio, only Roy Scheider reprises his role, and he did so only to fulfill a contractual obligation. Gone too is Spielberg, who, after telling an audience at the San Francisco International Film Festival that Universal had asked him to work on the film, said that “making a sequel to anything is just a cheap carny trick.’’
Everything about the film feels dumbed down, with a group of horny, screaming teens stuck on a flotilla of wrecked sailboats replacing the expert analysis of Hooper and Quint. The shark’s bloodlust is capricious as well, one minute lazily moving through the water after a teen falls off the boat for the 800th time, the next minute successfully sinking a helicopter.
The only entertaining moment is an inside joke. The opening scene of notorious Jaws ripoff Orca (1977) features the titular killer whale eating a great white shark — a not-so-subtle dig at the franchise. Lo and behold, 40 minutes into Jaws 2, the town discovers a dead orca, bearing obvious signs of shark bites. Clever, but overall the film is a massive disappointment.
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Kill Count: 7
Best inanimate object attack: The shark takes down a helicopter!
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Most Boston moment: “You’re listening to Plymouth radio, the rock of New England.’’ (Puns will always get points from us.)
Overall rating: 1 shark
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The producers of the first two Jaws films, David Brown and Richard Zanuck, originally pitched the second Jaws sequel as a parody film, entitled Jaws 3, People 0. Given the final result, it’s safe to say that would have been a better idea than Jaws 3-D.
Jaws 3-D takes place far away from the fictional beaches of Amity, moving the terror to Florida, where Chief Brody’s son Mike (a thoroughly unimpressive Dennis Quaid) has taken a job at Sea World. Due to a malfunctioning gate, the monster shark is able to sneak in from the ocean to Sea World’s state-of-the-art lagoon, and it continues to wreak havoc after initial capture due to the greed and incompetence of the park’s owner, Calvin Bouchard (Lou Gossett Jr., only a year removed from his Oscar-winning role in An Officer and a Gentleman).
The laughably outdated 3-D graphics are by far the most entertaining part of the film. Maybe they looked great in theaters, but each scene that features the graphics is a punchline. Case in point: Here’s the climactic scene, in which the shark is blown to bits by a grenade.
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The film’s only saving grace is that the acting is just as campy as the graphics, offering marginal entertainment value in the same vein as Sharknado and Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda.
Kill count: 5
Most Boston moment: The closest we get to the Bay State is Quaid wearing a Red Sox hat in a single scene.
Best inanimate object attack: The mama shark breaks an underground glass observation tunnel, but the best one is probably her attack on the Sea World command center, thanks once again to earth-shattering 3-D effects.[fragment number=18]
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Overall rating: 1.5 sharks
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Don’t be fooled by Sir Michael Caine’s name in the credits—Jaws: The Revenge is the bottom of the barrel. But don’t take our word for it — here’s what Caine said about the film: “I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.’’
The film begins in Amity around Christmas, where Sean Brody — despite moving to Colorado in the third film and being deathly afraid of water — has taken over his father’s job as Amity Chief of Police. Eight minutes in, he’s killed by a shark, leading to the return of Michael Brody (now played by Lance Guest instead of Dennis Quaid) to comfort his mother Ellen, (Lorraine Gary, the only cast member left-over from the first two films).
Ellen thinks the shark is after them, a point that’s hard to argue when the whole family flies to the Bahamas aboard the plane of hard-gambling Hoagie (Michael Caine), and the shark somehow follows them. The rest of the film is just each member of the cast doing completely implausible things to put their lives in danger with zero explanation, typified by Ellen driving Michael’s boat into the middle of the ocean to kill the shark by herself with zero weapons or plan.
The film climaxes when Michael’s pal Jake (Mario Van Peebles, doing a terrible Bahamian accent) devises some sort of magical electromagnetic pulse device (literally a flashlight) that will “drive the shark insane’’ (make it explode somehow).
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They could make a gritty reboot of Jaws set 1,000 years in the future about Chief Brody’s last remaining ancestor (Carrot Top) hunting the Milky Way for a genetically modified super-shark with diamonds for teeth and lasers for eyes, and it wouldn’t be worse than this movie.
Death count: 2
Most Boston moment: None, thankfully.
Best inanimate object attack: Keeping with the aerial theme of Jaws 2, the shark sinks a plane.
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Overall rating: 0 sharks
Photos: When Jaws Invaded the Vineyard
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