Basic Boston Is Basically Just Boston: A Guide to Things Everyone Likes
A “basic’’—or, in its more common and misogynistic form, “basic bitch’’—has reached peak basic-ness. As media outlets muse about what tattoo a basic would want and how to “spot the basic bitch’’ in her natural habitat (saved you a click: it’s not that hard), people are beginning to ask whether the term “basic’’ is really just another form of class anxiety and white American culture. It’s been a jumping point for journalists’ self-reflection and realization, and even a race relations debate. It’s even been referred to as a hot Halloween costume for 2014.
But through it all, we all seem to be forgetting what exactly “basic’’ means at its core: Being basic means just liking the same things that everyone else likes.
And now that it’s been decided that it’s officially basic to debate what is actually basic, which is so meta that it’s almost the opposite of basic.
If you’ve been anti-basic, this entire time, now is finally your chance to pull on your Ugg boots and hop on the basic train: Because being basic may finally be cool.
Or just OK. You know, whatever everyone else thinks.
Maybe we’ve hit basic’s max, and three months from now, “basic’’ will be another nonsensical apparel-based archetype that we categorize as a section in our “to donate’’ clothing archive, like “normcore’’ or “that time we bought everything from Goodwill and declared ourselves ‘recessionistas.’’’
As long as people like things and things remain popular, basic, in some sense, will always exist.
Being “basic’’ comes in various geotagged strains, evolving based on the city or region’s demographics and cultural nuances. Boston, being the most basic of all of the primary basic locales—if only because we said so—has plenty of basic qualities that are the most basic of all of the land.
Here, in no particular order, are 113 of them:
New Balance 574s
Instagramming the Boston Public Library
Speakeasy-inspired anything
Sam Adams
Blowouts
Spin class
High-end grilled cheese
Table-side guacamole
Ironically using Boston accents and idioms
“Good Will Hunting’’
Saying, “How ‘bout them apples?!’’ Out loud.
Pink Red Sox hats
Hating on pink Red Sox hats
“Make Way for Ducklings’’
Having strong opinions about Modern Pastry vs. Mike’s
Boloco
Lululemon yoga pants
Tavern in the Square (ALL)
Kickball leagues
Mark Wahlberg
Infinity scarves
Truffle fries
Cape Cod
Cape Cod potato chips
Cod
Corduroy
Conan O’Brien
Paul Revere
Srirarcha
Fenway
Growlers
Down-filled vests
The Citgo sign
Movember beards
Hockey beards
Beards
Ray-Ban Wayfayers
L.L. Bean “Wicked Good’’ moccasins
L.L. Duck Boots
L.L. Bean (sorry)
Identifying every comedian who went to Harvard
Sales on sale at J.Crew
Study abroad
Tweeting at the MBTA
The South End
Back Bay
Somerville
Corn hole
The SoWa open market
“Sweet Caroline’’
Cupcakes
The Zakim Bridge
Adirondack chairs
Plimoth Rock
College
Alex and Ani bangles
Nantucket Nectars
Sweet Green
Pretending to hate Legal Seafood
Legal Seafoods
Half-zip fleece/parkas sweaters sweatshirts
EOS Lip balm
Kayaking on the Charles
The salad bar at Whole Foods
Running
Kombucha
Hunter wellies
Candle pin bowling
Referencing the Salem Witch Trials in conversation
Ellipticals
The Kennedys
Tory Burch Reva flats
Identifying Gisele as a Bostonian
Cold brew
Mug clubs
November Project
Riding boots
Color Me Rad
Barbour Bedale jackets
Japanese selvedge denim
Talking about the “Innovation District’’ without knowing where it is on a map
Yuppie doughnuts
Yuppie pizza
Yuppie ramen
Wine Riot
Charcuterie
Rosé
Charity 5K t-shirts from 5K races you never ran
Giant bouquets of peonies
Instagramming photos of giant bouquets of peonies
CSAs
Arguing over Regina or Santarpio’s
Driving downtown then complaining about parking
Everything pumpkin spice
Leaf-peeping
Saying you hate leaf-peepers
Leaves
North Face/Patagonia/Columbia/All fleece jackets
Boat shoes
Boats
Apple picking
Cider doughnuts bought when you go apple picking
Apples
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