It’s Time to Upgrade the Boy Scout Badges
In the October issue of Esquire, writer Mike Sager profiled Boy Scouts of America president Robert Gates. The former Secretary of Defense, who took over the role with the Scouts in May, described the legacy left by the organization on his family and his career.
“In my whole life, I’ve never forgotten those lessons,’’ Gates told Sager, reminiscing about the National Junior Leader Training Program he attended at age 13.
What are those lessons really, though? Sager’s piece lightly tapped into that question by pointing out the elephant in the do-it-yourself teepee: Will the scouts come to an agreement under their new leader when it comes to gay membership?
Gates, who was a driving force in the 2010 repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell,’’ publicly addressed his positioning on gay membership after his appointment, stating he “would have supported having gay Scout Masters’’ — but no formal action has been made since he entered office. The Esquire piece doesn’t go into depth on the subject, but Sager quotes Gates on another (possibly concurrent) concern: “How do you keep the traditions and those things that have created enormously successful institutions over many, many decades, and at the same time modernize them to deal with a twenty-first-century world?’’
Good question!
While I have never been a Boy Scout myself, I’ve spoken to colleagues about the tangible impact that Scouthood has had on their adult lives. The majority fell into the “Mehhhh’’ camp. Granted, my selected audience happens to be a hodgepodge of online content producers and social media experts, so perhaps they were less impressionable than, say, a professional whitewater rafter, handcrafted paper artisans, or geocache experts of the world.
Or maybe it’s because the badges that defined Scoutly success for our parents’ generation did not sufficiently anticipate the career choices that have become mainstream among millenials. And that can only get worse — my educated guess is that the professional world of 2024 will be no less conducive to the undeniably salable skillset of basketry and small-boat sailing than is our current landscape.
Let’s change that.
With no further ado, here are just a few benchmarks that may come in handy for the Boy Scout 2.0.
Robert Gates, please take notes:
How to vote (The Civic Responsibility Badge): It doesn’t get more American than this! This would cover how to form well-educated political opinions, consider all sides of a campaign, follow a candidate, and then how to physically cast a vote – because we all know how confusing that can be (sorry, Florida).
How to get in touch with emergency contacts without technology (The Unplugged Badge): Landline? Post-It? Send a raven? This is a skill that I, too, would like to learn.
How to do laundry (The Spin-Cycle Badge): So apparently there’s a version of this that doesn’t look like dropping stuff off at my mom’s house and/or dropping my stuff off at a wash ‘n fold. Honestly, this is worth knowing.
A general overview of feminism, in a theoretical, practical, and historical sense (The Hillary Clinton 2016 Badge): I’m an optimist.
Social media and texting etiquette (The No Weiner Badge): It’s never too early to instill the general rules of digital communication in a child – don’t post naked photos on Instagram, don’t post naked photos ANYWHERE, don’t misuse culturally insensitive hashtags, don’t use culturally insensitive hashtags AT ALL. Never send a text after 2 am. You get it.
How to digitally invest for the future (The Bitcoin and Beyond Badge): Because I’d like to know. Should touch on the value of Klout and prepare scouts for the impending crippling debt of student loans. Because they’re coming, and so are a lifetime of PB&J dinners.
How to flirt/woo (The Courtship Badge): I refuse to believe that dating is dead! Topics to cover: Bill splitting, door-holding, follow-up texting; can be achieved in tandem with No Weiner Badge.
How to use every Apple product without a manual (The iBadge): Please someone tell me what that half-moon icon means?!
How to behave like an upstanding human being in stressful situations (The Use Your Words Badge): Involves group discussions on how to channel your feelings without being compelled to drive your fist into another person’s face. Bonus snaps for sensitivity training.
How to be a self-sufficient member of society during your bachelor years (The Bed Bath and Beyond Badge): I suppose this goes along with the Spin Cycle badge, but if fishing and fly-fishing get their own individual badges, I’d argue that this should as well. This can cover a myriad of topics —grocery-store shopping, how to make your bed, how to boil water. In other words, the Guide to How Not to Call Your Mom for every single 20-something male.
How to appropriately use Spotify (The No One Likes Your Mumford and Sons Playlist Badge): Music taste starts young, let’s start it right.
A briefing of childcare and all that comes with it (The Equal Opportunity Badge): Literally everything I learned in home economics. Everyone should know how to change a diaper. Period.
How to be an accepting and open-minded individual who respects the sexual, religious, and cultural backgrounds and choices of others (The No-Brainer Badge): Umm, yeah. We’re all waiting on that one, Boy Scouts.
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