Don’t Start the New Year on the Wrong Foot: Top Resolution Mistakes
The new year always holds promise. A fresh start, a clean slate, and 12 months for us to shed the bad habits of the old year and become our happiest, healthiest, and best selves.
Cut to a few weeks or months later, and many of those resolutions are unfulfilled and forgotten. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Boston.com spoke with local goal-setting experts to find out why resolutions can be problematic, and how to make resolutions that have the best chance of success.
Our experts found that a key problem is when people set too many goals, making it hard to focus on any of them.
“The best methods are to be really clear and to limit the number of decisions we’re making at any one point,’’ said Dr. Robert Ross, a psychotherapist who owns and operates RRoss Coaching, Counseling, and Consulting Services. “If we just selected one thing to work on, and put our energy in that one thing, we might be successful.’’
So how does one go about selecting that one perfect goal for 2015? Set guidelines.
Gail McMeekin is CEO of Creative Success, LLC and has written books such as The Power of Positive Choices. She says goals have to be realistic, measurable, and flexible.
McMeekin and Ross both said that perfectionism is another factor that stops people from achieving their resolutions.
“The thing that I think often stymies people is when people want to make a change [they think] it has to be perfect,’’ Ross said. “Perfection always ties us in knots.’’
Jotham Busfield is a co-founder and life coach Think-diff Institute in Lexington, Mass. He says that when you lose hope that you’ll achieve your overall goal, focus on the process rather than the product. In other words, make sure you’re succeeding on the current step rather than worrying about the final result.
“Instead of focusing on material goals, how can you set up steps between here and where you want to be, and take pride in most steps?’’ said Busfield.
McMeekin says breaking resolutions down is especially important for long-term goals. Often, these are the goals that are really worth achieving. She has her clients put together a plan looking at their overall goals, then looking specifically at what progress they want to make in the coming year. If goals are vague or if they don’t drive you, you are less likely to achieve them.
And while the first day of the year often makes for a nice starting point, Busfield says you may have a better chance of success if you wait until the best possible time for you.
“January is a common time for goal setting, but is it best for every individual person? Maybe not,’’ he said. “The third week of January might work better for somebody; it might set them up for failure to start on the first.’’
The best time to start a goal tends to be when you have a support system in place. Ross suggests mobilizing friends and loved ones to support you. This is particularly important for major life changes, such as the decision to stop smoking. Additionally, Busfield believes that if people in your life are aware of your goals, you will be held accountable.
In the end, achieving goals is a learning process.
“Even when we fail with our goals, if we stay on track with our goals we learn something,’’ McMeekin said. “Good goals help us progress even if we shift them along the way.’’
This is because working towards goals can help us realize what we really want. Pushing forward after failure may show desire to continue our goals, or to pursue something new.
“Resolutions are a starting point, and you’re going to go through a growth process and resistance before you break through and resolve the issues,’’ she said.
Finally, McMeekin says it’s important to make time for your resolution.
“What happens to so many people is they’re incredibly busy, they add these goals, and they get totally overwhelmed,’’ she said.
In McMeekin’s book, The Power of Positive Choices, she writes that achieving goals is like an equation: you have to subtract the extras so you can add the goals you hope to achieve. She says that if you’re training for a 5k, maybe it’s time to drop that book club you don’t enjoy anyway, so you have a lighter schedule.
As common as New Year’s resolutions are, actually going through with them is rare. With the right mindset, you’ll increase your chance of success. So what are your resolutions for 2015?
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