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A graduate school alumnus recently contacted me, seeking a referral to my workplace. I am hesitant to provide a referral as I don’t like this person and don’t know them well enough.

Elaine Varelas offers guidance on handling situations where you feel uneasy or hesitant about referring someone to your workplace.

Ask the Job Doc. Boston.com

February 7, 2024

3 minutes to read

Q. A graduate school contact recently reached out to me asking me for a referral to the company where I work. The problem is that I really don’t like this person and don’t feel comfortable giving them a referral and jeopardizing my professional reputation.

A. Networking is an important part of job searching and we strongly advocate asking people to help and support you in your job search. Having said that, it’s important to discern the nature of your relationship with people before making or accepting requests. Be very clear about what you are asking for, and what you are being asked for. Is it a recommendation? Or an introduction? Or just the name of the hiring manager. If you are asking for a reference, you need to know someone very well. You must have the utmost confidence that they will be willing to give you a very positive recommendation. And if you have any doubts, your question to them needs to be, can you give me a very positive recommendation? The person needs to have an out to be able to say, “I’m not sure I can give you the strongest recommendation that you would need because we haven’t worked together for long enough or you haven’t reported to me in that capacity.”

If someone is the least bit hesitant, make sure that you say, “I know this is a big ask. I understand if you are uncomfortable, and it won’t affect our relationship (or friendship) if you can’t.” Again, reiterate this when you’re asking someone for a recommendation or a referral. If the person asks you to carry your resume and deliver it to the hiring manager and you don’t like this person or don’t know them well, it’s reasonable to say, “I haven’t worked here long enough to make any recommendations, but I’m happy to pass along your resume to the recruiter.” When you give the resume to the recruiter, you can protect yourself by saying, “I don’t know this person well, but I thought I would pass along their resume. This is not a recommendation I’m giving you. I’m just passing along their resume if you are interested in contacting them.”

You are also within your rights to decline the favor and say, “No, I’m sorry, I’m just not comfortable doing that. I don’t know the recruiting team well or I don’t know enough about your background.” Be careful what you say because the person may reply with, “Oh, you don’t know enough about my background? Let me tell you more about my background.” You might ask the person to write a cover letter to include with that resume, letting them know that you don’t want to be in the position to speak for them, but you’d be happy to pass that information along. You could also just give them the name of the recruiter and give the recruiter a heads-up that you’ve given their name to this person, but you don’t know them well enough to make an introduction or a recommendation.

The person asking you for a referral may have sent you this request by sending a message via LinkedIn, Facebook, etc. If this person didn’t contact you personally with a phone call or ask you in person, it’s reasonable for you to just ignore that message. But if this person comes back and asks you multiple times, then you’ll need to act. Responding with the equal effort to what’s been put in is usually what’s professionally called for, but if you recognize this as one of 100 LinkedIn messages that this person might be sending out, feel free to ignore it.

Your primary role when working at a company is to protect and safeguard your reputation and get the most talented people to join the company. Often, companies have employee referral programs and will offer bonuses for people that you bring into the organization, but you need to make sure that the people you recommend are people that you like and feel positive about potentially working with in the future. Think about if this person gets hired and you are assigned to work on a project with them. If that prospect fills you with dread, don’t provide any type of referral or recommendation. An uncomfortable no is better than working with someone for multiple years that you brought into the organization and wish you hadn’t.