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How do I handle a workaholic boss who is constantly making me feel like I’m not putting in enough hours and working hard? I have a busy, well-rounded life outside of work. She doesn’t.

Elaine Varelas provides tips on handling a manager’s passive aggressive comments.

Ask the Job Doc. Boston.com

September 20, 2023

3 minutes to read

Q. I work hard at my job and am a dedicated employee. My manager is a workaholic and constantly makes me feel guilty for leaving the office at a reasonable hour. She regularly makes passive aggressive comments about her long hours, which are completely her choice and certainly not required. Management has to force her to take vacation time and even when she is on “vacation”, she sneaks into the office to work. Any advice on how I can respond when she makes comments and makes me feel like I’m a slacker? (I’m not)

A. Unfortunately, there are people who only get their self-worth from work, and from trying to be better than others. They may have difficult home situations. They may have no personal life. They may believe that they are irreplaceable in their job and their organization. And they have put themselves in a position where their life entirely revolves around work, and they look down on others who have more well-rounded lives.

Your manager sounds exactly like this kind of person. The positive is that your organization recognizes that this is not healthy for her or the organization. There are many reasons organizations mandate that people take vacations. Historically, employees in retail banking were required to take two consecutive weeks of vacation every year to ensure that there was no internal fraud.

What has been proven is that people who overwork themselves usually take their stress and sanctimonious behavior out on their colleagues and employees. If you can’t ignore it, and it sounds like you are past that point, the next time your manager makes that kind of passive-aggressive comment to you, you can say, “You know how hard I work and that I deliver my work product on time. You also know that I am not going to spend 80 hours a week at work like you do. I guess my question is, are you trying to make a point about my work, or are you just saying this in jest?”

While being professional, try and put an end to these comments. Let her know that these comments are unwelcome and not funny. Many employees may find this too threatening to say to their manager, when in fact, letting them get away with these kinds of comments impacts your mental health and your ability to have a positive experience at work.

You might first address their behavior privately with them and let them know comments are unwelcome and make you feel uncomfortable. If there is a message about your work, take the time now in private is the time to address it, but not in public by comparing how many hours everyone works compared to her. If the situation doesn’t improve, you should go to Human Resources to discuss the situation and these comments. You might also talk to colleagues who may have also been the recipient of these kinds of comments. If you are the only direct report to this person, I encourage you to speak up. Letting people get away with passive-aggressive comments allows them to assume that type of behavior is okay, which it is not. No one deserves those kinds of low blows. This is a perfect example of bad management, which needs to be ended by HR, or that person’s manager.

If HR is not aware of the number of hours that this person is working, they should be alerted either via an anonymous email, letter, or a drop-in that says, “I’m concerned about someone and the number of hours they are working.” It’s easy enough to see when people are online, how many hours a week they’re putting in, how many days a week they work, if they are working full days, etc. Most healthy workplaces understand the importance of time off for employees and will encourage people to take time off for their wellbeing. If they don’t, you’re getting an entirely different message about your organization and one that you need to pay attention to. Every organization has occasions where people are called on to work more hours than they typically would, but when a surge is never-ending, then employees really need to take a close look at their work-life balance and see if changes need to be made.