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What does it mean when a manager asks you to improve you EQ?
Pattie Hunt Sinacole shares advice on the topic of EQ
Q: During a recent one-on-one meeting, my manager told me I need to improve my “EQ.” Of course, I googled it. What is your definition of EQ? And how does one improve it?
A: EQ is an abbreviation for emotional intelligence. Many consider IQ incredibly important, but many leaders also consider EQ increasingly important. Two psychologists, John Mayer and Peter Salovey, published an article in the early 90s about the topic. If we asked Mayer and Salovey, how they would define EQ (sometimes also called EI, or emotional intelligence), they would probably explain that it is a person’s ability to monitor their own feelings, but also assess the feelings of others, and to use this information when interacting with others.
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Dr. Daniel Goleman, a psychologist and author, wrote extensively about the topic in 1996, and it became a more popular topic in the world of careers and professional development. Goleman’s first book called Emotional Intelligence, was a ground-breaking and best-selling book. Since then, Dr. Goleman has written several books about emotional intelligence. Active listening, adaptability, resilience and empathy are all examples that Dr. Goleman has written about.
The premise is that both IQ and EQ matter. There are some leadership experts who believe that EQ is a better predictor of career success than IQ. Richard Branson, the Founder of Virgin Atlantic, believes that EQ may be more important than IQ. In 2023, Branson was interviewed by Inc., and Branson shared that he struggled in school, and flunked out of school at 16 years old.
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Most researchers believe that EQ can be improved. Usually when an individual is given feedback to improve their EQ, it relates to how a person communicates and manages their own emotions as well as the ability to demonstrate empathy with those around them. Without knowing the specifics of your situation, it sounds like additional feedback would be helpful. I would suggest asking your manager what they mean by this request. Was there a specific incident which precipitated this comment? Have you been given feedback on your communication skills by your manager or others? How are you working with others? Be careful to choose an appropriate time to ask these questions. Ask your manager in a one-on-one situation and avoid asking them “on the fly.” I would recommend asking it during a private meeting. Be ready for the feedback, positive or negative, or a mix of both. Make sure that you can keep your emotions in check and truly hear the feedback. Sometimes feedback is difficult to hear, but realize it is also difficult to give. Take time to reflect and think about this feedback.
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Dr. Goleman, and others, have written extensively about emotional intelligence. There are now self-scoring rating tools, questionnaires, quizzes, and other assessments.
In his book, Goleman talks about five key elements of emotional intelligence including self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills. It may be worth researching emotional intelligence and thinking about how to best improve these skills. Taking advantage of some of the online resources may be a good start. Or, you may consider professional development opportunities, which may be offered through your employer. Some individuals hire a coach to help them improve this skill. There are many resources available to you. I think being able to receiving this feedback is step number one.
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