My co-worker connection is gone

Q: I just changed jobs. I had people who sat next to me, and then we became friends, or friendly. In my new job, I have tried to make friends. I ask them to lunch or out for a beer. No one says yes. Instead, I have someone next to me who tries to change my political views. Another talks about her dating life. The third one tries to recruit me into her church.

A: It sounds like this work environment is not as positive as the last one, as least for you.

I have responded to a similar question many years ago. Here are my UN-scientific observations on what makes a workplace a good one for most employees:

1. A connection to the work. Most satisfied employees I talk with have some connection to their work. They love what they do, or they love MOST of what they do. Sales people might love closing the deal.  Interior designers might love finding the right fabric for a project. A kindergarten teacher might love hearing a child read their first word.

2. A connection to the client, the end user, the patient, the student, the community, or the guest.  Often, I hear from employees that they love the population with whom they work. They love their customers, their most challenging patients, or the kids in their classroom. Enthusiastic employees will often feel energized and refreshed after they have shared a successful moment (or moments!) with that customer!

3. A connection to colleagues! It sounds like that might be missing for you. Employees don’t have to be best friends. However, it makes it more pleasant if you enjoy the folks that work in the cube one over from you. A common interest (e.g., the Red Sox, local theater, or skiing) can link people together. Or you might have two people share a bond because they take the same train into the office. I have one client who has started a growing contest to hopefully improve the connection between co-workers. The employees are voting on what to grow (e.g., tomatoes, sunflowers, daisies, etc.) and then they all try to grow, from seed, these plants. Every two weeks, the CFO will be measuring and recording the results! In June, they plan to announce a winner. Even those without a green thumb are interested in the contest.

Developing a connection between colleagues is even more of a challenge post-pandemic.  Remote and even hybrid work schedules, though helpful in retaining employees, is also a challenge when trying to build team work, connection and cohesion within the workplace.   

I can’t change your current co-worker’s situation unfortunately. Change is hard. As humans we think we are flexible, but in reality, not so much. Think about our patterns and behaviors as humans. We park in the same parking spot almost all of the time, whether at work, the grocery store, or the mall.  We buy the same laundry detergent most of the time. We shop at the same stores. We walk the same route when we walk our dogs. I would give it time and be open to a new work environment.

The discussion of religion and politics is a tough one. In most work environments, there is an unwritten rule which states that there should be no discussion of sex, religion, and politics. I think this is a good rule to follow.

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