Grab bag
El Guapo isn’t opening his mail.
It’s either that or former Red Sox pitcher Rich Garces has decided to forgo any sort of gratitude for the full-size sweater purchased for him and sent to his new employer, the Nashua Pride, by the folks over at the Sports Frog.
But it’s been a month now, and no response from either the team or El Guapo himself.
We sent it with a note card (written in the King’s Spanish), and a bumper sticker. And yet we have had no response from the pride of the Nashua Pride. The sweater wasn’t exactly like the one in “The Three Amigos,” but we couldn’t find one with green stripes. And while it was XXXL, we did not account for the fact that it was by a teenage girl designer. Still, it’s the thought that counts.
OK, so they admit that the XXXL sweater they bid on eBay for wasn’t exactly as large as the auctioneer made it out to be, so perhaps the burly El Guapo tossed it aside for one of the neighborhood kids or something. Still, how hard can it be for the man to write a little note in gratitude, or at least have the team send along a complimentary pen? (Even something from the team’s impending El Guapo merchandise stockpile would do nicely.) It’s not like the man is too busy working out.
“The umpire’s like, ‘What’s happening?’ I said: ‘They’re throwing coins and hot dogs in my direction. If they want to throw stuff — whatever. But if it’s a couple inches from my head, that’s not right.'”
Just so we’re clear: Throwing stuff: Whatever. Couple inches from head: Not right. They should print this on the back of your ticket stub.
Over the last five years, the JetHawks have either finished last or next to last in team earned run average. In recent statistical studies, Lancaster’s Clear Channel Stadium as one of the top two hitter-friendly ballparks in all of minor league baseball, the other one being High Desert’s ballpark which the JetHawks visit 14 times this season, more than any other league ballpark.
If there was ever a litmus test on whether Lancaster can be a quality home to bonafide pitching prospects, it’s this season thanks to the $5 million rotation.
The Red Sox shelled out $5.215 million in signing bonuses to Daniel Bard, Michael Bowden, Kristofer Johnson, Justin Masterson, and Michael Rozier, the five pitchers that make up the JetHawk starting rotation.
Some baseball insiders would say that spending $5 million in the California Lottery would have been a wiser investment than sending those pitchers to the California League where their psyches and earned run averages will most likely be ravaged by the high winds and the relatively high altitude (2,500 feet) of Lancaster.
Bettencourt points out that Lancaster has developed just one pitcher of note in its existence, although it was Diamondbacks ace Brandon Webb, who just happens to be one the game’s premier sinkerball pitchers. Wonder if he honed that trait trying to do anything he could to keep the ball down in the confines of Lancaster.
Bard, by the way, has an ERA of 10.13 thus far this season.
A local hospital is doing what it can to help out Red Sox nation.
Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center is now designating all its newborns as Sox fans.
Every baby born at the hospital will receive a tiny Red Sox hat and a canvas bag with the team’s logo on it.
The newborn will also get a certificate good for a free tour of Fenway Park on the child’s fifth birthday.
Thank goodness. I was wondering at what point the Red Sox would begin to infiltrate those final areas of our everyday lives where they weren’t eminently prevalent. Major League Baseball tagged funerals sometime back. Red Sox weddings are a norm. Now, we have births. All we need now are Red Sox sacraments, Red Sox bar mitzvahs, and Red Sox educational courses at the grammar and high school levels and we’re pretty much all set.
“In the sequence that ended the broadcast, ESPN shifted Epstein out of his original reality to look like he was reacting to Lowell’s home run, not Drew’s or Varitek’s. He was now unstuck in time, like Billy Pilgrim in ‘Slaughterhouse-Five,'” he writes.
Sandomir also includes some other humorous nuggets looking back at ESPN’s lack of cohesion on the night. And on the part of Joe Morgan, I really don’t know what more can be done. If the network can’t understand the complete uselessness that he brings to the booth, well, no more harping on anyone else’s part at this stage is going to change that. Besides, Morgan is still considered the best in the business by Joe Fan, the same people who think Chris Berman’s nicknames are hilarious. It is unnerving, though, that the two national networks feel the need to play to a boob audience by providing them with Morgan and Tim McCarver, while the insightful guys like Jerry Remy don’t get the gigs, basically for knowing too much. Kind of like how “The Black Donnellys” is no longer around because a lot more people are going to tune into “Meet Your New Mommy.” Doesn’t matter if it’s the lowest common denominator, if more of them tune in, the more interested adverstisers get.
