The Patriots are going to beat the Chiefs, and you’re going to hate it
What if the Patriots figure some things out?
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COMMENTARY
They’re going to beat the Chiefs.
Yes, I am indeed talking about the 3-10 New England Patriots, the very same team eliminated from NFL playoff contention on Sunday, the latest confirmation of a disastrous campaign in New England. By the time the season ends, the offensively-inept Patriots are, most likely, going to land a top-three draft pick and a different coach to lead the charge into a new era. Whether it’s Jerod Mayo’s team or someone else’s, the Krafts presumably understand the the need for widespread change in the bowels of Gillette Stadium.
Alas, what you witnessed on Thursday in Pittsburgh was a dangerous sign of life with quarterback Bailey Zappe, making everyone wonder why the switch from Mac Jones didn’t happen when it mattered. For at least one half, the Patriots offense looked functional, en route to a 21-18 win. Granted, that’s a low bar, but did you watch the other guy at all this season? Functional is the new outstanding.
But what if functional gets it done? What if the Patriots figure some things out, win their final four games, and finish 7-10?
It’s a nightmare scenario.
Bill Belichick and company can end the 2023 season on a middling note, soaring all the way to a seven-win season that looks more haphazard on paper than the rock bottom reality. You can shrug off haphazard by using injuries as excuses (Mathew Judon, Christian Gonzalez, Kendrick Bourne, etc.) and continuing to play the subpar Alabama bust because the owner likes his contract.
If New England finishes 7-10, Belichick can point to Mac Jones as the problem. He can argue how he was able to coach his way over the last month. That kind of winning streak, not to mention the soft spot the Krafts might have found for the jolly, old pirate over the course of Army/Navy weekend in Foxborough, might just land Belichick enough goodwill that they welcome him back in 2024 for another season of purgatory. Watch out, Don.
Granted, that’s a lot for any NFL team, never mind one as dreadful as the Patriots. Even at the height of their dynasty, wins in Denver and Buffalo were hard to come by. They’re going to beat the Jets in the season finale, which means the Patriots could be looking at a 4-13 season. Those two meaningless wins against the Steelers and the Jets (to come) might end up thwarting them from a top-three pick.
But before any of that really becomes a concern, the Patriots, right now comfortably snug with the second pick in the draft, have to deal with the Chiefs in Foxborough. It’s a game they’re going to win.
The Patriots begin the week as 9 1/2-point underdogs to the defending Super Bowl champs even as the 8-5 Chiefs find themselves on a two-game losing streak. Sunday’s game against the Bills, a 20-17 loss, ended with quarterback Patrick Mahomes lambasting the referees, which doesn’t exactly address the real problem in Kansas City; the only thing that makes Kansas City’s roster of receivers look impressive is New England’s roster of receivers.
But that’s not why the Patriots are going to beat them. Remember, this game was supposed to be under the lights, shown to a national audience on ESPN’s Monday Night Football, starring Taylor Swift. Maybe she would even ring the lighthouse bell.
The Patriots are so bad that ESPN wants no part of them for its audience. The network is even willing to sacrifice star power in Mahomes, Swift, Andy Reid, and Jake from State Farm in order to get a better matchup (Eagles-Seahawks? OK). Instead of Swift ringing the bell, maybe they can get Boston 25 meteorologist Kevin Lemanowicz. A hazy shade of winter, indeed.
This all helps present the coach in Belichick at his very best, when he can play the “us vs. them” card, that “no respect” mantra that became a punchline somewhere around the team’s third Super Bowl win. That was the problem with the win in Pittsburgh. Now, Belichick has a little fuel to stoke that fire this week, particularly against a powerhouse with some springing leaks.
If you’re rooting for losses to pile up so that the Patriots can assure themselves the best possible drafting position, you’re not going to enjoy Sunday. The Patriots are either going to soar to victory over an increasingly-dysfunctional Chiefs team, or we’re going to witness the sort of memorable contest that will make ESPN, NBC, or whomever think twice the next time flexing the Patriots comes up in conversation. Belichick is never better than when he has an axe to grind. If he’s been paying attention, there’s plenty of material to work with.
If there’s anything left of Belichick’s coaching soul, you’ll witness it on Sunday. The Patriots are going to beat the Chiefs.
It’s going to be awesome, and we’re all going to hate it.
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