Unconventional Preview: Inept 49ers are perfect remedy for Patriots’ minor ailments
Gronk and Chris Hogan won't make the trip -- and it won't matter at all.
COMMENTARY
Welcome to Season 5, Episode 10 of the Unconventional Preview, a serious-but-lighthearted, occasionally nostalgia-tinted look at the Patriots’ weekly matchup that runs right here every weekend.
Quick, a quiz! Who are the leading passer, rusher, and receiver for the 1-8 San Francisco 49ers? Go!
No, not Steve Young, Jerry Rice and Ricky Watters, dummy. You stopped watching the NFL long before anyone else did, huh?
The answers would be, in order: Colin Kaepernick (938 yards, 5 touchdowns), Carlos Hyde (443 yards, 6 TDs, 3.6 yards per carry), and Jets refugee Jeremy Kerley (40 receptions, 424 yards, 3 TDs).
If you knew those answers, well, thanks for reading, Chip Kelly. Your patronage is appreciated. But, well, shouldn’t you be figuring out how your team, with a defense allowing a league worst 31.4 points per game and a minus-96 points differential, is going to solve anything about the Patriots?
To put it another way: Kaepernick has one more touchdown pass than Jimmy Garoppolo this season. Kerley has just 33 more receiving yards than Chris Hogan — who is fourth on the Patriots in the category. And the Niners have allowed more than 40 points three times this season, including twice in the last four weeks, while allowing more than 492 yards of offense three times in the last four games.
Remember when the Niners and Seahawks had a vicious rivalry? It wasn’t that long ago, but now they are as opposite as Roger Goodell and any man of integrity. Nowadays, the Niners are hapless, hopeless, and just what the Patriots need after Sunday’s hard-fought loss to the Seahawks.
Kick it off, Gostkowski, and let’s get this thing started.
THREE PLAYERS I’LL BE WATCHING NOT NAMED TOM BRADY
Jabaal Sheard: What the heck has happened to this guy? A year ago, he looked like a keeper, someone who had the Willie McGinest/Roman Phifer style of versatility Bill Belichick covets in his defensive ends and linebackers and the various hybrids. In his first season in New England, Sheard supplied eight sacks in just 13 games while forcing four fumbles, and the argument can be made that his stellar performance as a pass rusher is one reason the Patriots felt comfortable moving on from Chandler Jones.
This year? Ugh. He has 18 tackles and 3.5 sacks, and I don’t remember even a quarter-sack, let alone a half-sack. He’s playing like he wants to rejoin Jamie Collins with the Browns. Sheard ceded playing time to Trey Flowers (four sacks in the past two games) against the Seahawks Sunday night, playing just 16 snaps, four in the second half. He’s gone from the Dog Pound to the doghouse in two eventful years.
When we hear Belichick barnacle Mike Lombardi refuse to name names about which current players he claims aren’t putting in the effort, I presume Sheard, whom Lombardi had in Cleveland, is at the top of the list.
Rob Ninkovich: The trading deadline has long passed (and the Patriots oddly used it to subtract rather than add, with apologies to Kyle Van Noy). There’s no help coming from the outside.
The best way — and maybe the only way — for the defense to improve is for proven players to start performing better. That’s not unreasonable, nor is it a terrible spot to be in. Ninkovich, who missed the first four weeks after he was suspended for testing positive for a banned substance, would be high on that You Gotta Give Us More list, along with Chris Long, Sheard, Patrick Chung, and maybe even Devin McCourty.
Ninkovich hasn’t done much since he’s returned, with 17 tackles and a sack in five games. It’s possible he’s no longer capable of being a passable imitation of Mike Vrabel at this point of his career — he is 32, and Vrabel was 33 in his final season here. But it’s also possible that he’s just warming up as the weather gets colder. A few clues Sunday that this is precisely the case would be encouraging.
Logan Ryan: Might as well go with a player from each line of this freshly maligned defense.
Ryan is like the Bret Saberhagen of defensive backs. He alternates between good and lousy seasons. (Three people will get that, and two will think it means he blew out his shoulder pitching. Bear with me here.)
Ryan had five picks and 10 passes defensed as a rookie in 2013, playing all 16 games and starting seven. In 2014, he was so rattled that I swear that at least 40 of Joe Flacco’s 45 passing attempts in the AFC Divisional Round matchup were aimed in his direction.
Last season? Pretty darn good (four interceptions, 14 passes defensed). This season? Pretty darn not good. He has one forced turnover — a fumble — and has been so inconsistent opposite Malcolm Butler that he keeps losing playing time to Eric Rowe and Justin Coleman, who may well be Ras-I Dowling and Terrance Wheatley in disguise.
Cornerback is a brutal and cruel position — the degree of difficulty is off the charts, and every mistake is broadcast to millions of viewers. The spotlight is harsh, and only the bold (or the oblivious-to-pressure) survive. Ryan has been good before. The Patriots’ defense would be so much more trustworthy if he can be good again this year. Facing Kaepernick ought to help.
GRIEVANCE OF THE WEEK
Easy call this week: That anyone, ever, questions Rob Gronkowski’s toughness, especially someone from behind a microphone clutching a free hoagie delivered by a sponsor in the hand that isn’t wagging a finger. Gronk not only played the second half against Seattle with an injured and possibly punctured lung and still nearly hauled in a touchdown pass in the final seconds, he had the grace to compliment Seahawks safety Earl Thomas for the hit during a postgame press conference.
Also, just going to put my dire warning to poor Glenn Gronkowski, ominously signed back to the practice squad this week, over here.
Belichick probably regrets cutting youngest Gronk from practice squad. Can’t harvest his organs now.
— Chad Finn (@GlobeChadFinn) November 15, 2016
Hope it’s not too late, Miniature Gronk. Lung donation would go above and beyond the Do Your Job mantra.
PREDICTION, OR SHOULD THE PATRIOTS BE WARY OF A CHIP KELLY TEAM?
Is it possible that we’re being too smug about the Niners? Doubtful, but it is worth noting that at least their coach has Bill Belichick’s respect. Kelly, in his first season with the Niners after three with the Eagles, is 27-29 as an NFL head coach, which is actually better than his failed-genius reputation might suggest. (Which probably stems from his unconventional approach and lack of cooperation with the media. How dare you be different and unaccommodating!)
Kelly did orchestrate one of the biggest upsets at the Patriots’ expense in recent seasons last year, when his 4-7 Eagles, losers of three in a row entering the Week 13 game, stunned the Patriots, 35-28. It was the Patriots’ second loss in a row after 10 straight wins to start the season, and foreshadowed some frustrations to come. They’d go just 2-2 to close the regular season afterward, including an ugly and costly loss to the Dolphins in the regular season finale.
I suppose if the Patriots attempt another cutesy Nate Ebner drop kick, or fall behind the Niners by 21 points like they did against the Eagles a season ago, or mistakenly show up where Candlestick Park used to stand, a mildly suspenseful game is possible.
But neither of those things is going to happen, and even with Gronk and Chris Hogan sidelined for the Patriots, the Niners’ 32d-ranked defense — that would be last — isn’t going to slow down Brady, LeGarrette Blount, Julian Edelman, and Martellus Bennett and the rest. Heck, this might even be a Malcolm Mitchell game.
Or to put it another way: Kaepernick might take a knee at the beginning, but he won’t be the quarterback taking a knee at the end of this one. Patriots 45, Niners 13.
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