The absurdity of Deflategate takes another comedic turn
COMMENTARY
It’s fitting that a stand-up comedian should be at the center of the latest Deflategate controversy.
Welcome back to the Theater of the Absurd, Day Five-hundred-and-whatever of the endless farce that refuses to find a dark hole somewhere and live out whatever days it has left with the likes of Matt Estrella.
If you’ve been under a rock — and if you have, room for one more? — we learned this week that quarterback Tom Brady has filed an appeal, hoping to get an “en banc” hearing to overturn his four-game suspension, while his team filed an amicus brief in court on Wednesday upon his behalf. Meanwhile, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said he’s “not focused” on Brady challenging the decision of the Second Circuit Court last month regarding his authoritarian power.
Basically, it’s the same dreck we all experienced a year ago.
Except that now, we have comedian Jim Breuer as an unwilling bystander.
Of course we do.
Breuer, best known for his role as “Goat Boy” on Saturday Night Live, a weed-toking go-getter in the classic film, “Half-Baked,” and a guest voice-over on the children’s show “Wonder Pets,” discovered the crosshairs of a vindictive segment of New England Patriots fans this week after relaying a story from last winter when he claimed to meet former Patriots ball boy John Jastremski during a gig at a Mexican resort.
“I’m the guy,” Breuer said a man who may or may not have been Jastremski told him last November during a guest spot on SI.com. “I’m Deflategate.”
The man who may or may not have been Jastremski told Breuer that he and his wife were at the resort trying to escape Massachusetts, where they were being harassed in the wake of the Wells Report. The man who may or may not have been Jastremski expressed frustration with the Patriots for “holding him down,” but went out of his way to applaud Brady who he said “does so much for him.”
As you would expect, this all resulted in a percentage of Patriots fans exposing their fangs and charging an attack on Breuer for his random story of chance that just had to be too suspect for reality. After all, Breuer originally said the encounter took place in January. But after some amateur sleuths did the leg work and uncovered that Breuer’s comedy show was actually in November, they further doubted his validity.
In November, wouldn’t Jastremski have an in-season job to do with the beloved New England Patriots?
Maybe. If you’ll recall, the team re-instated Jastremski and fellow “Deflator” Jim McNally just prior to the 2015 season, but in roles unbeknownst to us. They’re not ball boys, roaming the sidelines and pressurizing equipment to the quarterback’s preferred levels, and my guess is that their roles within the franchise at One Patriot Place aren’t exactly integral enough that Jastremski can’t find himself in Cancun for a few days.
But no matter. Patriots fans were going to poke a hole in Breuer’s story one way or another if only because it…wait, was there any impact?
Of course not. Except that any inkling of a suggestion that the Patriots or — gasp — Brady may have been implicit in the whole process of deflating footballs (ignoring the matter of one of the particulars latching onto the nickname THE DEFLATOR), is the equivalent of spreading propaganda for the Empire of the NFL. Boston Magazine went as far to call the Mexican resort where this all allegedly took place, and could not confirm that a man who may or may not have been Jastremski stayed there last November.
Are there holes in Breuer’s story? Sure. Did you expect him to his story verified by an independent party?
Yet, there was Breuer on Thursday morning on 98.5 The Sports Hub, reading an email purportedly from a man who may or may not have been Jastremski, and sparring off the swarm of Patriots fans attacking him online. After some hesitancy, he identified a picture of Jastremski as the man who may or may not have been Jastremski in Cancun.
“That’s him, absolutely,” Breuer said.
By “absolutely,” we can assume he means, “possibly, maybe.”
The absurdity of it all would be more difficult to grasp if it weren’t Deflategate we were dealing with here, a situation that has devolved into a never-ending soap opera repeating the same, tired scripts.
“What is going on?” an exasperated Breuer asked “Toucher and Rich” after the endless flow of comments from Patriots fans on Twitter refused to end.
We don’t know.
We’ll never know.
Welcome to the party, Goat Boy.
Timeline of Deflategate
[bdc-gallery id=”106353″]
To comment, please create a screen name in your profile
To comment, please verify your email address
Conversation
This discussion has ended. Please join elsewhere on Boston.com