Peace out, Deflategate (we hope)
There’s a finish line.
Really.
Sort of.
We’ve reached the climax in this summer’s Theater of the Absurd, a mere 10 days from the beginning of an NFL season that comes wrapped in bows of incompetency and ribbons of duplicity. Two hundred twenty-five days into the trite derangement of Deflategate, a resolution, a decision, an end-game of at least some measure is certain to arrive by week’s end, when Judge Richard Berman will ultimately put everybody out of their misery.
As expected, there was no settlement between the NFLPA and the league on Monday in New York City, where the two sides met for one final time in the sacred Robing Room without coming to a handshake that would allow Patriots quarterback Tom Brady to walk away with knowledge of his immediate playing future.
Berman said he would rule on the case in the next day or two, certainly by the Sept. 4 deadline that the player’s association sought, one day before Brady’s suspension is scheduled to go into effect, as his teammates begin preparation for their season-opener against the Pittsburgh Steelers at Gillette Stadium next Thursday.
It’s over. It’s really over.
Except, that is, for the Second Circuit appeal or the injunction. This is really more like those interminable “Land Before Time’’ movies. You think the dinosaurs are finally dead, but damn it if your kid doesn’t somehow keep finding new adventures in the depths of Netflix.
Based on the way he treated the NFL as if the league were akin Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne on trial for a drive-by mooning over the first two proceedings earlier this month, Berman seemed to have tipped his hand to be leaning in Brady’s favor. That would mean vacating the four-game suspension that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell decreed was an appropriate punishment for what amounted to a minor equipment violation.
But Patriot fans should feel confident that Brady will indeed be under center come Sept. 10, when New England raises the banner celebrating its Super Bowl title, as well as a collective middle finger at Goodell and a league that turned a minor controversy into a misguided witch hunt.
But anyone figuring this to be the last we hear about Deflategate is under false pretenses sparked only by the depths of rational hope. Goodell won’t go down like some golly, gee tough-luck loser, especially not after everything he’s invested (or, more accurately, wasted) in going after Brady and the New England Patriots. Once Berman undresses the league for a final time this week, there will be an appeal on behalf of the league, and the whole charade can linger in the background of the Patriots’ pursuit to defend their crown.
And you thought deflated football jokes were passé ? Indianapolis fans have probably been plotting their witty poster board sayings for months now. An appeal will likely drag on for just as long, potentially into the new year, beyond the 2015 season, not to mention the December release of “Concussion,’’ a film detailing issues that the NFL has managed to sweep under the rug in light of the lighter accusations of deflating footballs.
Maybe there’s the risk that an appeal hearing could be sped up, the Second Circuit would rule in the NFL’s favor, and Brady winds up missing games against the Broncos, Eagles, Titans, and Texans late in the season as opposed to the quartet he’s still scheduled to miss against the Steelers, Bills, Jaguars, and Cowboys. Probably not likely. Certainly not a reason to settle under the ridiculous parameters of the NFL demanding Brady kneel before Zod and declare the Wells Report gospel. Clearly, the NFL came into this chapter with no realistic avenue to make a deal with the Brady camp, which seemed to at least make the admission that the quarterback could have cooperated a bit better with Ted Wells’ lengthy, and ultimately, oft-criticized investigation.
Now it’s in Berman’s hands, and it certainly sounds like that’s good news for Brady and the Patriots, while putting an end to the “Free Brady’’ t-shirt business.
“The parties tried quite hard,’’ Berman said. “I have no qualms with everyone’s dedication and willingness in that regard. Sometimes it just doesn’t happen.’’
Berman strived for an agreement between the two parties, and even sounded like a judge who would rather be anywhere else than dealing with such nonsense over the course of these hearings. “You mean you’ve wasted everyone else’s time for seven months and now you want to waste mine?’’
“We want to thank the court,’’ former kicker Jay Feely, a member of the NFLPA’s executive committee, said after a hearing that lasted about five minutes on Monday. “We tried our best to reach a settlement that we did not reach. But I think for us, it reinforces the desire and need for an independent arbitrator in these matters of personal conduct. But we understand Tom’s position, and I think the process will work itself out.’’
Work itself out. Sure, what’s another few months among the liars and cheaters of the NFL front office?
We’ll deal with it down the road though. The “No Brady, No Banner’’ movement is moot. Brady is going to play the opener. He’ll be there against the Colts in October. He’ll suit up in Houston in December, and will start yet another playoff game in a frostbitten Gillette Stadium come January. Deflategate will take a breather before it ultimately dies. Next year. Maybe in 2017. Hell, maybe until after Brady retires for all we know.
Maybe the most pertinent question is whether or not it outlives the boob commissioner that perpetrated the stupid soap opera in the first place.
Collection of other Goodell punishments
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