Five easy ways to survive your Red Sox depression
A guide for suffering Red Sox fans
COMMENTARY
A few minutes of listening to talk radio or spent in casual conversation at the convenience store or corner saloon make it clear Boston fans remain unable to accept they’re rooting for a stone loser this season. They are in the earliest stages of baseball Kubler-Ross, anger leading to vicious demands for the firing of general manager Ben Cherrington and manager John Farrell and denial-based proposals for trades the GMs of opposing teams wouldn’t make if you took their children hostage.
This is very sad. These fans are unnecessarily prolonging their agony at what’s going to be the second dismal Sox season in a row. They lack the required emotional skills to follow a lousy club through a season of defeat due to a lack of experience. Since the Impossible Dream of 1967, the Red Sox have been a winning team more than a losing one. They’ve had some terrible seasons, but for almost 50 years, Boston fans usually have been given a team they can root for into the summer months.
Widespread rage and despair are bad for everyone’s summer. It would be deranged to tell Sox fans to cheer up. They can, however, adjust. A mindset a half-century in the making is hard to shake, but it can be done and I can help.
Much as I might wish it weren’t so. I am something of an expert in pulling for teams for which hope means dreaming of NEXT-to-last place. I was raised as a Phillies fan in the late 1950s and early ‘60s. My childhood heroes were nobodies who finished last in an eight-team league four straight years, bottoming out in 1961 at 47-107 and including a record 23-game losing streak. The streak began before I left for summer camp and was still going on when I returned. That can leave a scar on a kid.
For extra credit, I spent part of each summer visiting my paternal grandmother in Washington, D.C. My step-grandfather and great uncle were devout Senators fans and they were my second-favorite team, meaning I could and did experience between 180-200 losses each year. If practice makes perfect, rooting for stumblebums is what I do best.
For those Sox fans seeking a higher — make that a not quite so low — baseball consciousness for 2015, here’s a tourist guide to Palookaville.
Step 1: Acceptance
The first step on any journey is the most important, and the first step in coming to terms with a cellar-dweller is to abandon hope until this season’s over. In the face of all evidence, this is the root cause of fan anger and grief.
For mental health, Red Sox followers should do the math. Boston will have to be a more than decent team for the remainder of the season just to finish with a mediocre record. Sure, they could play .700 ball the rest of the way and vault into the playoffs. Dr. Ben Carson could be our next President, too. I’d bet on the latter first. Lower your goals. Pick humbler aspirations for the home team, like finishing at 81-81.
Step 2: Short-term goals
Better yet, abandon the big picture altogether. Pick shorter-term rooting goals for the Sox, like a winning week or not getting swept in the next series. The baseball season is so long, Boston will meet at least a few of these goals. Cherish those moments. They help make looking at the standings a little easier.
Step 3: Don’t get too excited
Don’t make the rookie mistake of letting fleeting success breed new hope. One cruel characteristic of bad ballclubs is their penchant for false dawns.
The 2015 Phillies figured to be the worst team in the sport, and have exceeded that expectation. Yet last month the Phils peeled off a six-game winning streak that included two walk-off victories. I was happy enough when that happened, but knew better than to let it alter my judgment about their prospects.
Since the streak ended, the Phils haven’t won six more games. From June 12-15, they scored two runs in 42 innings. If any Sox fans thought their team had turned the corner after sweeping the Athletics the weekend before last, it only made what happened next even harder to endure.
Step 4: Put the players before the team
Another means of coping with the second division is to ignore the team as a unit to focus on individual players. As an example, in the midst of the Sox’ collapse this past week, Pablo Sandoval has been hitting.
It’s too late for that to matter this season, but since Sandoval’s going to be around for a while, his 2015 performance matters a great deal for the years to come.
I suggest concentrating on whether Eduardo Rodriguez can establish himself as a real major league pitcher. There aren’t many more important issues for the Sox of the future. More to the point for fans, as a starter, he only works every fifth game. That means there’s 80 percent fewer games the Sox fan genuinely has to care about the rest of the way. Such detachment is the crucial element of following a losing team.
Step 5: Take a step back
It’s not so much that one stops caring, it’s more a matter of putting most of the caring down in the basement of the soul where it doesn’t sustain so much damage. There’s an old sportswriter’s saying that “you’re allowed to root for yourself,’’ meaning that it’s OK to hope that a game’s outcome makes the writer’s life easier. Fans are allowed the same privilege.
Fans of perennial losers exercise that privilege in different ways. Cubs fans have another beer, try to live in the sunshine of the summer moment, then have another beer. My step-grandfather and great-uncle, well, they sighed a lot each summer. Phillies fans got and still get surly. OK, surlier than usual. But whatever their method for coping, losing fans must find a way to say, “I’m the one in control of this relationship.’’ A team that isn’t a little afraid of losing its fans’ love is a team with no incentive to ever improve.
In that spirit, here’s a veteran loser’s final tip for suffering Sox fans. When all else fails, remember this.
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