The Five Worst Parts of Tyler Seguin’s Ridiculous New Website
They say you can’t read a book by its cover. Evidently “they’’ haven’t visited former Bruin Tyler Seguin’s new website, which launched today and is, in a word, ridiculous. Here are the five worst things about it.
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The Homepage
On arrival you’re greeted by a suited Seguin, smiling at the camera with his stick over his shoulder. He’s flanked by the words “If you want something as bad as you want to breathe, then you can do it.’’ And now you know exactly what you’re in for.
Other slides include a shirtless-yet-helmeted Seguin commenting on his upbringing and the still-shirtless Dallas Star getting sentimental. Seguin signs his eighth-grade aphorisms as ‘TS,’ but “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,’’ this is not.
The Bio
If you are not frantically searching for the back button after you hit the homepage, and then navigate to Seguin’s Bio, best of luck to you. Here, the Stars’ center breaks down his life in a series of single words and short phrases. “Hockey Player, Stanley Cup Champion, Dallas Star’’ and “teammate’’ I’ll give him. “ Son, brother, dog lover’’ – OK, Tyler, you can even advertise your family-man status. But once we get to “optimist’’ and “tattoo enthusiast,’’ I’m out.
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“Seguin’s sleeve tattoos are a visual memoir.’’
Seguin often shows off his busy sleeves on the site, and in this section of his bio, they’re explained. His tattoos are meant to remind him of the home he’s hardly seen since starting junior hockey, Seguin says. On his left arm, he wears the birth years of his parents and sisters, an angel, and a family tree, all surrounding a heart. “My dad said I always wear my heart on my sleeve, so that sort of started the whole process,’’ Seguin says. Sweet, admittedly, but too saccharine for an NHL All Star.
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The PR Sheen
The whole site stinks of big-city PR sheen, and we here in Boston know Seguin better than this. Sure, we’re no strangers to seeing him shirtless – but those pictures usually include a liquor bottle or an equally unclothed Brad Marchand. But hey, maybe the budding, 21-year-old phenom the Bruins traded away because of his immaturity has grown up. Which brings us to the last point…
We can’t hate
While the Bruins have been solid this season at their blue line, it’s been a different story across the ice. The 14-10-1 Bs are 22nd in the NHL in goals per game, a placement that could prove troubling as the season wears on. Seguin currently ranks first in goals (18) and third in points (31) in the NHL, stats made all the more glaring by the fact the Bruins leading scorers Carl Soderberg (17) and Patrice Bergeron (16) have just two more points combined.
So, Tyler, we wouldn’t mind seeing you in a Bruins uniform again. We’ll even forgive the website.
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