When social distancing with your roommates brings you closer
"When my friends who live alone call me, there’s an edge of desperation in their voice that isn’t in mine."
Quarantining with family is tough enough: kids arguing over screen time, adults fighting over work time, and nobody having enough space. But at least you’ve chosen these people, for better or worse.
What about living with roommates? These are people you’re supposed to share the rent — not a pandemic — with. But for the nearly 79 million adults who live in a shared household (Pew Research Center, 2017), well, maybe there are silver linings.
“A lot of my friends and co-workers [who live alone] are struggling with physical isolation,” said Takeru Nagayoshi, a high school teacher living in Providence with four roommates. His group plays a board game each night, usually Betrayal at House on the Hill, and they recently threw a birthday party for one of the crew, complete with fancy garb.
“It was the first time I’d worn pants in a good six weeks,” Nagayoshi said. “It’s nice to have a built-in community.”
Jared St. Pierre eats dinner with his two roommates every night; they also watch TV together (Disney Plus and “The Crown”). Socialization is essential for this bubbly group, all of whom used to work 50-plus hours per week in restaurants and miss the constant human interaction, cloistered as they are on the top floor of a Dorchester three-decker.
“We thankfully aren’t on each other’s nerves per se. We understand that we’re in this together,” St. Pierre said. “It’s still better than if I lived alone. When my friends who live alone call me, there’s an edge of desperation in their voice that isn’t in mine.” (He does note that his roommates shower every day. “It makes the environment so much more friendly,” he said.)
In fact, many say that this is a shared, formative experience that has drawn them closer.
“I actually think this will have strengthened us overall. This is by no means an easy situation, but my roommates and I have been through a lot together. I appreciate that it’s so unifying,” said Kenzie Schoenthaler, who lives in a Medford two-family with four college friends from Lesley University.
Their household turned into an anthropological experiment as the pandemic wore on, with the group developing new norms and rules. Schoenthaler said the group initially forbade parties, which then escalated into a restriction on invitations to all outside friends. Then, a roommate’s partner tested positive for COVID-19. The group quarantined together for two weeks, watching “Jersey Shore,” then continued to eliminate contact with significant others, eventually relaxing into socially distant hikes or bike rides.
“There’s no playbook for a pandemic romance,” he said. “It’s very reminiscent of being in high school.”
But the group persevered and enjoyed the simplicity of one another’s company.
“I did nothing of substance,” said Schoenthaler. “But was that wrong?”
Maybe not. In these quiet moments, uninterrupted by everyday distractions, friendships flourish in ways they couldn’t before.
“Some of my deepest conversations have taken place during this time, which I wasn’t expecting. It’s something that I’ll look back on, that I weathered it with these folks,” Nagayoshi said.
Of course, it’s not all board game nights and cooking.
“Sometimes we desperately search for subjects to talk about because we’re together all day,” said St. Pierre. “But, I mean, I’m healthy. When you think about what could be for other people, as annoying as it is, I have to put myself in my place.”
But when the pandemic ends?
“I think we’re going to be crazy people. We’ll never be home,” said Medford’s Alice Ofria, who recently re-created an In-N-Out burger feast, complete with special sauces, to pass the time with her roommates.
“We’re already talking about having a party here. It’s going to be awesome.”
Subscribe to the Globe’s free real estate newsletter — our weekly digest on buying, selling, and design — at pages.email.bostonglobe.com/AddressSignUp. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter @globehomes.
To comment, please create a screen name in your profile
To comment, please verify your email address
Conversation
This discussion has ended. Please join elsewhere on Boston.com