First comes love. Then comes … apartment hunting? How moving in together may affect your relationship.
Love is in the air, and for some it’s also in the lease.
Fifty years ago, moving in with a significant other before marriage was almost unheard of: In 1968, fewer than 1% of 18 to 34 year olds did, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
Today, many more couples aren’t waiting for the “I do’s” to start living under the same roof. Their reasons for — and satisfaction with — living with their partner are varied, however, according to ApartmentAdvisor’s “Moving in Together” survey.
A majority (57%) of the 1,002 people surveyed moved in with their significant other after dating for less than a year, a trend Brookline-based premarital therapist Mimi Licht said she tends to see in her older clients.
“At a certain point, people want to get on with things and take the next step toward getting married and having a family,” Licht said. “There’s kind of a mental timeline: ‘OK, it’s time to move to the next stage.’ ”
Indeed, taking the relationship to the next level was the second-biggest reason people gave for deciding to move in together, bested only by a desire to spend more time with their partner. Love isn’t the only sentiment at play, however. Convenience was the third-most popular reason couples had for making the move. Saving money on rent was fifth.
Newer couple’s may not want to rush right into a new lease, however. According to the survey, 83% of the people who dated for a year or more were highly satisfied in their relationship, compared with 69% of those who dated for less than a year.
The good news is, moving in together doesn’t seem to have any inherent harmful impact on most relationships. More than half (53%) of those surveyed said moving in together strengthened their commitment to their partner, while 24% said it didn’t alter their relationship, for good or for bad. Only 21% of cohabiters started questioning their relationship after making the move.
Most of the complaints respondents had about their partners were relatively trivial — snoring, nagging, watching too much TV. Both men and women said their two most common complaints were how messy their partner is and their spending habits.
The small stuff is usually what irks people the most, Licht said. “A lot of it comes down to the realities and practicalities of day-to-day life. I spend a lot of time helping couples come up with those kinds of basic strategies for how to share the cleaning, cooking, divide the finances,” she said.
Living together has its ups (more sex) and its downs (more arguments), according to the study, but it’s facing those challenges that determines which couples will last and who will end up back in the loveless real estate market.
“People living together over the long haul, there’s challenges every day,” Licht said, “but ultimately it’s a question of when you come to the next challenge, the next flat tire, the next obstacle, can you work together to figure things out?”
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