How to get your neighbor to stop doing THAT
During stay-at-home orders, annoyances become amplified, and there are fewer avenues of recourse.
Maybe your neighbor has a yapping dog or mows the lawn at 7 a.m. In simpler times, it may have been feasible to pack up for the weekend, go for a drive, or even move. But with everyone stuck at home, well, your neighbor’s annoying lawnmower may sound like a jackhammer and their yapping dog like a gorilla.
Issues are amplified, and there are fewer avenues of recourse.
So what’s a disgruntled neighbor to do?
If you’ve talked to your neighbor about the offending behavior to no avail, the first step should be mediation, said Ericka Gray, founder of DisputED, a resolution service in Arlington.
“Mediation is a facilitated negotiation. Sometimes having a third person who doesn’t have any real bias about the outcome can be useful and help people look at alternatives and options they haven’t considered,” Gray said.
Ideally, mediation is the first step before resorting to a lawsuit, she said. She often sees clients who were referred by a court and are too upset for a productive conversation. She encourages clients to seek mediation before trouble escalates, when a negotiation will be more fruitful and emotions are in check.
“I have yet to hear someone say, ‘I’m going to call my mediator.’ I’d love for that to happen, but usually it’s, ‘I’m going to call my neighbor or the police,’ ” she said.
Whereas a court case is win or lose, she said, a negotiation offers solutions for both parties. Mediator fees are roughly $350 a hour, Gray said, but some community mediation programs are free. You can find them at mass.gov/service-details/face-to-face-mediation-program.
“It can help maintain or enhance relationships,” she said, especially if neither party plans to move. “With mediation, the people involved get to decide what happens.”
Of course, both parties need to agree to mediation. The sessions are usually two hours. Each party signs a confidentiality agreement protected by Massachusetts law; then the mediator facilitates a conversation about the issues and hammers out a clear plan for the future.
“It’s future-focused, issue-specific, and goal-oriented,” Gray said. “You may have to go on good faith, but research shows that when parties come to their own agreements, they commit to them. They adhere to them at a greater rate than if someone imposes a solution on them.”
In Massachusetts, mediators have 30 hours of training. There is no licensure, she said, though many come from backgrounds in law or psychology. Mediators should belong to a professional organization, such as the Association for Conflict Resolution.
A good agreement will be specific and workable, leaving nothing to chance, with a clear plan of action for both parties. In a barking dog case, for example, the neighbors might agree to a canine curfew with a provision to contact the owner before calling the police about an offense.
At their best, Gray said, mediations are educational. In one of her memorable cases, a new resident slaughtered a goat, hanging it from a tree in the front yard to drain. Neighbors called the police, who suggested mediation.
“It was very successful because the agreement ended up being very informational, neighbors learned a lot about religious customs and rituals, and the neighbors ended up using their backyard” instead, she said.
That’s a best-case scenario. Often, though, it’s not so amiable. Consider Carver’s Paula Lowe. Life was good: She lived in a four-bedroom Colonial on a bucolic expanse of land previously owned by a cranberry farmer. The neighborhood was dotted with new homes, quiet and peaceful — the ideal place for her infant and toddler.
“We had visions of sitting out on a summer evening, looking at the backyard and our cranberry bogs, enjoying a cocktail,” she recalled.
But then came the dirt bikes.
New neighbors built a motor bike trail for their elementary-schoolers, who zoomed across the yard while Lowe’s infant tried to nap and her toddler was outside playing.
“Their trail came so close to my backyard that I was afraid one of them would lose control and take out my kid,” she said. “I couldn’t hear my baby monitor, either.”
So much for domestic bliss and alfresco cocktails.
With some trepidation, she approached the new neighbors to settle on a mutually convenient biking time. She explained that she couldn’t hear the monitor over the whir of the bikes and that her baby was trying to sleep.
“I was yelled at,” she recalled. “They asked me, ‘Who do you think you are?’ I was trying to be neighborly.”
It escalated until Lowe approached Carver’s Board of Selectmen. She was told she had no recourse; noise was allowed until 10 p.m.
“The town is agricultural,” she said, and many people ride dirt bikes.
Lowe’s neighbors eventually installed a dirt bike ramp and had eight vehicles going at a time, buzzing like mosquitos at all hours, she said.
“But I was afraid to call the police,” she said. “We had a lot of people telling us that we shouldn’t have moved here if we didn’t like it.”
Having your neighbors yell at you is one thing; threats to your safety is another.
“The minute there’s a threat or an injury, the police are the first remedy,” said Gilbert J. Schipani, a real estate lawyer in Boston. But often people are tempted to go to the police for small annoyances, whereas a court might be better suited to enforce a solution, he said.
District court is the best place to start for a wide range of smaller-scale cases, he advised, including claims under $7,000. In district court, it’s also possible to file a harassmsent prevention order, which applies to cases that involve abuse, intimidation, or damage to property.
“Look at your district court as being there to help its citizens resolve disputes,” he said.
Harassment prevention orders can go into effect immediately, Schipani said. You typically attend a hearing with the defendant for a continuation of the order after about 10 days.
Consider a real estate lawyer who knows the judges, Schipani said. If you can’t afford a lawyer, many courthouses offer a Lawyer for the Day program. These volunteer attorneys can offer legal advice, assist you in filling out forms, and refer you to community resources. They will not represent you in court.
Because of the pandemic, many courts are hearing only emergency matters, such as damage to property or threats to safety, conducted telephonically or on video. For information on how to e-file a complaint, visit mass.gov/guides/efiling-in-the-housing-court or phone the trial court help line (833-91COURT) for guidance.
As for Lowe? She developed coping mechanisms. Sometimes she would crank up music — “Welcome to the Jungle” was a favorite — to drown out the noise.
To her relief, the biking neighbors eventually relocated, and she now enjoys her cranberry bogs in peace.
Kara Baskin can be reached at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Globe’s free real estate newsletter — our weekly digest on buying, selling, and design — at pages.email.bostonglobe.com/AddressSignUp. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter @globehomes.
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