You Have Annoying Questions From Family, We Have Your Answers
Despite popular legend, most Thanksgiving dinners don’t end in drunken fights between people who allegedly love each other. Most people behave themselves, saving their venom for the gossipy car ride home.
You can, however, count on multiple questions (you won’t want to answer) asked by snoopy extended family members you only see when a turkey is carved. Many of these questions are asked every year. Others are born from current events. Either way, we’re here to arm you with answers.
1. Question: “So, when are you getting married?’’
Asked by: Your grandmother.
Answer: “I won’t get married until men who love to kiss other men are allowed to marry.’’
2. Question: “How’s the car running?’’
Asked by: Your Dad.
Answer: “I’m in the process of converting it to run on vegetable oil and good intentions.’’
3. Question: “Can you believe those protestors burned down the town of Ferguson?’’
Asked by: Uncle after three glasses of Dewars.
Answer: “Can you believe George Zimmerman killed a kid carrying Skittles and an iced tea and got away with it?’’
4. Question: “Are you pregnant?’’
Asked by: The wife of the drunken uncle
Answer: “No. It wouldn’t be right to raise a baby while running a meth lab.’’
5. Question: “So, did you hear that new Nickleback jam?’’
Asked by: “Hip’’ older guy dating your sister.
Answer: “Get away from me.’’
6. Question: “I have a great investment opportunity. Are you interested?’’
Asked by: Brother-in-law who did 6 months in the joint for fraud charges related to his failed beeper business.
Answer: “All of my money is in Bitcoins. As is yours. Ask your wife.’’
7. Statement: “Actually, Gamergate is about ethics in games journalism.’’
Said by: The male cousin making his grown-ups table debut.
Answer: ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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