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What’s a polycule? What we learned from the NYT story on an unusual arrangement happening near Boston.
The New York Times Magazine recently profiled a group of roughly 20 Boston-area people linked by overlapping relationships. Readers had questions.
They say three’s a crowd, but 20 seems to suit a group of Boston-area lovers just fine, according to a new feature from The New York Times Magazine.
Published online Monday, the article includes interview snippets from several people who are part of a polycule — a portmanteau of “polyamory” and “molecule” — in the Boston area. The article also features several photos of polycule members at a gathering last month in Cambridge.
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According to The New York Times Magazine, the term “polycule” suggests “an intricate structure formed of people with overlapping deep attachments: romantic, sexual, sensual, platonic.” In other words, a sort of web of various relationships and personal connections.
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One polycule member interviewed for the article said the Boston-area group includes about 20 people in their mid-20s to mid-40s, with gender identities and sexual orientation running the gamut.
“A lot of people are married and have primary partnerships,” said one polycule member named Katie. “They’re coming to it from the opening of a monogamous relationship.”
Another member named Ashley told the Times several couples met in the summer of 2020 and spent the next year forming friendships and dating relationships that “eventually blossomed into this community.”
“It’s an evolving organism that looks entirely different from everyone’s perspective,” Ashley said.
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Needless to say, the vague, fluid descriptions left some readers scratching their heads.
For the uninitiated, Encyclopedia Britannica defines polyamory as “having or desiring multiple intimate relationships at the same time with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved.”
A polycule, meanwhile, is “three or more people who are connected romantically and/or sexually,” licensed marriage and family therapist Ashera DeRosa told Men’s Health in 2022. And a polycule doesn’t necessarily require all members to be dating or intimate with each other; some may share second- or even third-degree relationships through a mutual partner, Cosmopolitan noted.
“My husband, my nesting partner, is the person I own a home with. I also have life-partnership friends, I call them my wives, who are core members in the polycule,” Ann, a member of the Boston-area polycule, told the Times. “One of their husbands is one of my best friends and occasional sexual partner, and I do have sex with my wives, but we’re not romantically involved. But I love them.”
According to the article, the group is female-run.
“We convene, we plan, we call the shots,” polycule member Nico told the Times. “It’s a bunch of queer women who say we’re not going to follow the rules.”
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Still, members stressed the importance of setting and respecting boundaries; group chats help the polycule keep track.
“Broken rules can be really damaging,” member Katie told the Times. “Adhering to other people’s boundaries is a big part of being in the polycule. That’s paramount. In the polycule, it ranges from people who really don’t have rules to we’re only going to date people together or we’re going to participate in the group only as friendships, or as sensual friendships, or we’re only going to be sexually intimate at gatherings, and outside of that we’re not going to date anyone individually.”
Polycule members interviewed for the article listed some ups and downs, including struggles with jealousy and scheduling. However, members described the overall experience as “liberating,” “radical,” and “empowering.”
“It’s loving people in a very unapologetic way, not conforming to norms,” polycule member Bine said, later adding, “As a woman, and as a queer woman, being able to live my life as authentically as possible without needing my husband’s permission, that’s empowering.”
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The bottom line: If you’re polyamorous and/or looking to join or form a polycule, the Greater Boston area isn’t a bad place to be. Somerville, Cambridge, and Arlington have all recognized domestic partnerships between two or more people, and Somerville last year approved an anti-discrimination ordinance protecting people in polyamorous and other consensually non-monogamous relationships.
Read the full feature via The New York Times Magazine.
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