How to Work with a Coworker you Dislike
Elaine Varelas offers advice on working with someone you don't get along with.
Q: I’ve been given a project with a colleague I don’t really get along with—personally or professionally. Our team is small, so I can’t ask to be reassigned. My coworker is way too detail-oriented and we’re about to miss the deadline because of it. I want to tell my boss that she’s holding us back so I don’t get blamed. What should I say?A:
Small teams need all kinds of skills. They need people who are very detail-oriented just as much as they need people who are more focused on the bigger picture. Your coworker could have written this exact same question from her perspective, complaining about a coworker who she thinks rushes through tasks, jeopardizing the quality and accuracy of the project. Have a conversation with your coworker before doing anything else, saying that you don’t want to miss the deadline and want to work together to keep the project on track. Avoid any emotions or blame; this is strictly about work and about communicating well.
Approach this situation without letting your personal feelings take over. Focus on the data. Go back to the project plan and identify what got done, when, and by whom. There are many, many deadlines in any given project before the final one. How many deadlines were missed prior to this one? Did you contribute to any of them being missed? Who owned the responsibility for those tasks? If there’s a clear trend that indicates your coworker as the common factor, get involved as soon as you can: “Kate, your detail-orientation can be so helpful in certain aspects of this project, but at this point, I believe it’s hurting our progress.” You have to believe your coworker doesn’t want to miss a deadline either, so work together to come up with a plan that lets you meet your deadlines. This shouldn’t be about liking or disliking your coworker; it should be about having a plan with clear responsibilities and deadlines along the way to keep you both on track.
Extreme situations may call for getting your boss involved. Do not start casting blame or trying to prove your innocence in any wrongdoing. The only blame would be for not bringing attention to the problem sooner or not trying to remedy the situation with a professional conversation. Again, focus on documentation and facts, not personal accusations. Your boss will come to his or her own conclusions based on the data.
Asking to be reassigned isn’t the approach to take in a situation like this, even if it were possible. You can’t always be reassigned from projects when you find the other team members challenging. Throughout your career, you’ll have to work with people you don’t like and who have an entirely different approach or skill set than you do. Learning to do that is a huge part of professional development and a vital skill to have.
You should also examine why you don’t like this person. Do you not like their beliefs? Their personal style or approach to work? Not everyone is going to be your cup of tea, at work or in life. But being civil and professional in the workplace is part of your job. You don’t have to invite these people over for dinner or meet for drinks after work. Identify and appreciate the skills your colleagues bring that are helpful to you, your job, and your team’s success—that is what you want to focus on.
The reality is that you have to work with people you don’t like sometimes. How much that matters is up to you. At some point, it might matter a lot, based on the prevailing culture at a company, and you may decide to leave the organization. Until then, communicate professionally, document your project’s progress, and try to appreciate the differences in your coworkers that make them unique contributors to the success of your team.
