Working with a Spouse
Elaine Varelas offers insight on whether one should consider working with a spouse.
Q: My husband and I work in the same field. I’m looking for a new job, and one just opened at his company, in his department. I’m qualified and interested in the work, and the job pays well—but I’d be working closely with my husband. What are the pros and cons of working with your spouse?A:
I think a common response to this question would be an immediate “What are you thinking? Do not do this!” If you asked spouses who are business partners or a family running a company together, you’d be likely to get some pros to the situation—but you’re even more likely to get a long list of cons. Most would suggest you broaden your career targets outside of your husband’s tight circle.
Marriages are, naturally, often based on having significant things in common, like your chosen career path. But working at the same company—let alone the same department—is probably too laden with complications to be worth it. The potential stress of family dynamics coupled with employee dynamics, especially in an organization where you’re not the owners and are taking direction from others, creates a whole host of challenges. You may find problematic workplace dynamics spilling into family time on the weekends or domestic issues imposing on your professional life and potentially hindering productivity. Issues like competing project work or promotion opportunities or the logistics of planning a family vacation become all the more challenging to navigate when working at the same company as your spouse. The overlap between work life and family life is too significant. Financially, you may also be putting your family income at risk. If this one company has a reduction in force, you may both be impacted. You don’t put all your investments in one fund, and this is the same.
You have to consider the effect on colleagues in this situation, as well. Your coworkers are not likely to be happy with the arrangement—whether it’s spouses working together, mother and son, or brother and sister, family relationships will likely place undue stress on the rest of the group. Your colleagues will feel like they have to censor themselves. This isn’t to suggest they’ll want to trash talk your husband and not be able to. But if they want to say something to you in confidence—about a problem with another colleague or frustration with a project—they’ll feel significantly more at risk about the chances of you sharing it with your husband. There’s also the risk that your colleagues, accurately or not, perceive bias in the interactions between you and your husband at work. Did he spend more time giving you feedback on a project than anyone else? Did you share resources with him and neglect to share them with the rest of the team? Any of these situations—intentional or not—can negatively impact the functioning and success of any team.
Many companies have nepotism rules for all these reasons. Even if you work in entirely different areas, concerns about sharing confidential information and letting family dynamics enter the workplace are risks that many employers simply won’t take. While there are likely spouses working harmoniously together somewhere in the world, the undue stress for you and for those around you make this a less than optimal career move.
