Connecting with Colleagues on Social Media
Elaine Varelas offers insight on how to handle a situation when personal and work lives are blended.
Q: A new coworker is connecting with everyone on social media (Facebook and Twitter, not just LinkedIn), but I turned down her request. She’s clearly hurt by this, as her attitude toward me has changed, and another coworker said he didn’t think it was a big deal and thought it was “rude” not to accept. What’s the etiquette here? Do I have to be social media friends with everyone who asks?A:
Connecting on social media is not mandatory for anyone. Different people have different levels of investment in each type of social media, and that is fine. Some companies are invested in having their employees on LinkedIn —particularly those who may impact sales or public branding for the organization—with very highly developed profiles to be used for work-related networking and business development opportunities. That kind of situation is significantly different than having a mandate, or feeling unofficially obligated, to connect socially with colleagues, whether it is on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Snapchat.
Your coworker is likely just trying to be friendly and to get to know her new colleagues, but her social media approach is just one method of doing so. Many people—perhaps depending on their generation—prefer not to cross lines between work and their personal life. It’s entirely up to you to determine how open you want your personal life to be. Some people think it is no big deal; others have drawn a very clear line. But is it rude not to accept the invite to connect? Not at all. If you do think your new colleague is hurt by this, approach her and let her know that while you appreciate her invitation to connect on Facebook, you’ve made a personal decision not to blur those lines. Don’t feel guilty at all—whoever wants to connect with her can, and whoever doesn’t, doesn’t have to. People make their own decisions about the type and level of relationship they want to have with coworkers—some people become lifelong friends, while others are great coworkers and nothing more.
One danger of being Facebook friends with coworkers is in the potential for oversharing. Social media interaction may inadvertently expose people’s religion, political preferences, or other items or behaviors most typically kept private. Anything that could cause someone to have a negative impression of you can be high risk. People’s expectations about the nature of your relationship is another potential issue of connecting on social media. Are you just work friends? Facebook friends? Or are you friends “in real life”? Mismatched interpretations being can cause undue anxiety or emotional angst—I’ve seen people expecting wedding invitations from distant Facebook friends or being insulted when they see pictures from a birthday celebration they weren’t invited to. This also becomes a challenge when people expect you to keep up with them on Facebook and become offended if you don’t read their updates or like the pictures they post. The content of Facebook also often becomes fodder for gossip—and gossip that moves into the workplace is always high risk. There are many reasons why people prefer not to engage in this at all capacity, so you aren’t alone in this.
This coworker may be early in her career and not recognize that LinkedIn is known as the more professional social media connector, instead of Facebook or Twitter. Let her know how and why you’ve made the decision to avoid connecting socially with colleagues, assure her it is nothing personal, and connect on LinkedIn if you’re comfortable doing so. Perhaps you can share a coffee break together instead of Facebook updates.
