Is Your Boss Playing Favorites?
Elaine Varelas offers advice on how to handle a situation where your boss is playing favorites.
Q: A few coworkers and I think our boss plays favorites, and it has a negative impact on workplace dynamics and productivity. A few people do no wrong in his eyes, while the rest of us get micromanaged and given negative feedback on every little thing. I want to report this behavior to his superior, but my coworker doesn’t think that’s a good idea—should I stand up for us or back down?A:
Plenty of bosses have favorites, and it can negatively impact the team. Rather than reporting this behavior to his superior, have a conversation directly with your manager about why this happens. Yes, this will be challenging, but it could be very beneficial for you and your coworkers in the end.
First, figure out who has the best relationship with the manager—this could, in fact, be one of the favorites—who can go to the manager and say “People think that you have more confidence in a few team members than the rest. We’d like to see if there’s a way that you can treat us all similarly.” At this point, the manager may give reasons why he treats some people with more confidence than others, and you have to be willing to take an honest, serious look at the team: Is everyone as skilled and self-managed as the favorites? Can the manager count on everyone equally to complete tasks accurately and on time? There is a good chance that the manager has specific reasons—which you might be unaware of—for being more assured of the capabilities of the few favorites.
If there are a few more highly skilled employees on the team, the manager needs to look at developing the rest of the team to get them up to par. Instead of micromanaging and criticizing, he should provide development opportunities to those he doesn’t perceive to be as capable so they can increase their skills and generate the same confidence. In the end, this isn’t so much a choice between “stand up for yourself” or “back down”—it’s about communicating about what the boss wants to see, what he finds lacking, and what development opportunities are available to get everyone to the point of having the manager’s trust and confidence.
You mention wanting to bring this to your manager’s superior; however, every good manager will first ask “Did you talk to this person directly?” You might feel that it’s too high risk to talk to your manager directly, but there are still options to consider before going above him. If you aren’t comfortable having the conversation one on one, you could gather a group to go, recruit the favorites to support you, or ask HR for ideas on how to best approach your manager. Climbing levels with bad news is not considered a positive career practice, and being able to talk to your manager is an important professional skill for everyone. In these conversations, there’s no need to be accusatory; instead, frame it in terms of your own professional development: “I see that you seem to value how Rachael does this work; is there something in my performance that concerns you? If so, how can I learn from Rachael to improve?” This opens up a conversation for productive developmental feedback that you might not be receiving in any other situation.
Managers often have a few employees who they align with stylistically and have more confidence in, and it can be difficult to break out of that mindset. But it is better for the entire team—manager and favorites included—to treat everyone fairly and positively and to develop them to the same level of capability and confidence.
