Management – Both Frustrating and Rewarding
Elaine Varelas offers advice on how to manage a difficult employee
Q: I manage a difficult person—everything’s an argument or challenge. She thinks she’s busy and needs more support; I think she’s snoozing. She wants to feel more “empowered” and acts like I’m limiting what she can do. How can I learn to work with her, or can I?A:
Most likely you can – if you want to. Managing people is frustrating and rewarding. Your approach can help determine your success in managing all types of employees. It’s important—and often very difficult—to start with the assumption that this employee wants to do well. Even if you find someone aggravating or if they work differently than you, you must begin with that basic belief. Managing people is hard. We all want to manage self-motivated high performers with work styles like ours, but we often have employees who work in ways we may not appreciate. This can test and develop management skills.
Remember, employees are affected by experiences different than ours—other managers they’ve had to please or colleagues they learned from. It’s easy to say “Ugh, this person isn’t even trying,” but you must believe they’re trying to do well. You can’t turn anyone around if you’re coming from a negative place.
Identify the attributes and behaviors you find the most challenging, then open a conversation. We frequently close down difficult conversations to avoid conflict. Instead, become an investigator. Why does your employee feel overworked or limited? What does that look like? How does it compare to others? Ask for clarification on things like feeling “empowered” or similar red flag phrases—what does she mean compared with your interpretation? You might be saying the same words but thinking very different things. If she mentions something all-encompassing, like “the process,” push for specifics—which process? What part? Maybe there’s a place of frustration you’re unaware of or which you perceive differently. Time is another example. Often people have different perceptions of how long tasks take; you might think it will take two hours, while your employee thinks it will take two days. Communication and clarification are essential for time, priority, and urgency—otherwise, pitfalls within the work relationship are likely to develop.
Your initial conversation should be driven by questioning and finding out what your employee thinks and why—truly go for understanding, even if you disagree. Let her know your intentions. These conversations can easily become defensive, so make it clear that you’re not challenging her, just seeking clarification: “I’d like to ask you about your role, obstacles you encounter, and outcomes that would happen if the limits weren’t there.” Don’t engage other than to ask questions. It’s just an inquiry to generate understanding; however, clarify that this is only part one of a longer conversation that will include your thoughts and clear points on a shared understanding of accountability.
The next conversation should be a little more give and take. She’s had her say; you’ve reviewed her thoughts and looked at ways to adjust or not. And you’ve developed a way to communicate your needs clearly—your expectations and how you can address her expectations of you.
Determine the most important job-related items you disagree on: What does “busy” really mean to you both? Can your employee adopt different ways to complete work or is her pace and output significantly different than the organization’s culture? Focus on deliverables: personality isn’t the issue, it’s capability and delivery. Consider this person’s fit within the company culture, her willingness to adjust, and her value to the organization. Solutions might include a different reporting structure or a revamping of the role and how you manage her. If you’re still skeptical, talk to another manager and see if these issues, if addressed or not, have wider organizational impact. But remember to give this person time to adjust and change. If her behavior moves in the right direction, great! You’re looking for long-term, sustained change and to encourage her to actively address workplace issues.
In the end, you aren’t marrying this person—you’re just asking her to deliver the work for you. Focus on understanding her perspective, finding alignment, and achieving business outcomes.
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