Tear Down the Electronic Brick Wall
People often feel protected by the elecronic brick wallin their communcations, but in fact they may be hurting their relationships because of it.
We see it over and over again at work. People send a message via text or email or leave a voice mail and the person receiving the message hears a tone or perceives a rudeness that may or may not have been intended. The result is a communications meltdown.
If the tone or rudeness was unintentional, the sender failed to consider how the recipient might actually interpret or “hear” the message. Generally speaking, people tend to view their own writing or speech as friendlier than the way those who receive it would describe it. What the sender might consider friendly or neutral in tone, the recipient might classify as unfriendly or even harsh or rude. The upshot is that the recipient’s image of the sender is negative.
If the tone or rudeness was actually intentional, then the message was received four by four. Even so, sending such a message by text, email or as a voicemail is counter-productive and only serves to damage the sender’s relationship with the recipient.
In either case, we have fallen victim to the electronic brick wall. This wall is diabolical. Electronic communications occur without the benefit of having the recipient standing there in front of us. They lack any of the visual or auditory clues that can help a recipient judge the tone of the message, if it really was meant in a joking or sarcastic manner instead of in a rude or disrespectful manner. That same electronic brick wall also leads to intentional rudeness in communications. Because the recipient is not right there in front of us, we become emboldened to say or write things we simply would not communicate when face-to-face.
The electronic brick wall is detrimental to communications in three ways:
1. Anonymity. We post items, tweet, respond to blogs or comments and do so in the mistaken belief that we are anonymous. We’re not. We tweet something rude and think it will only be seen by our friends or just by those who subscribe to us. But those same people can repost our tweet until it is seen by multitudes, including someone we would have preferred it not be seen by.
2. Rudeness. The fact that we feel safe because we are not in close proximity to the recipient emboldens us to say or write things we wouldn’t if the person was face-to-face with us.
3. Lax social skills. We learn how to interact with others by being with them. When instead, communication is done by electronic means, the opportunity to develop social skills is diminished. Then, when confronted by a difficult in-person situation, resolution may be compromised because we don’t know what to do.
The electronic brick wall: Tear it down by meeting with people, by spending time with others, by getting out of your chair and talking with the person to whom you were thinking of just sending an IM or text.
If you have a business etiquette question, please email it to [email protected]. You can hear more Emily Post etiquette advice on the Awesome Etiquette podcast featuring Lizzie Post and Dan Post Senning. Listen and subscribe at infiniteguest.org. http://www.infiniteguest.org/awesome-etiquette/
Peter Post’s newest book, The Unwritten Rules of Golf, Morrow, is available at emilypost.com.
Since 2004, Peter Post has tackled etiquette issues in The Boston Sunday Globe’s weekly business etiquette advice column, Etiquette at Work. Post is the co-author of “The Etiquette Advantage in Business” and conducts business etiquette seminars across the country. In October 2003 his book “Essential Manners For Men” was released and quickly became a New York Times best seller. He is also the author of “Essential Manners for Couples,” “Playing Through–A Guide to the Unwritten Rules of Golf,” and co-author of “A Wedding Like No Other.” Post is Emily Post’s great-grandson. His media appearances include “CBS Sunday Morning,” CBS’s “The Early Show,” NBC’s “Today,” ABC’s “Good Morning America,” and “Fox News.” Follow Post: @PeterLPost.
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