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Globe Santa: The hardships of healing at holiday time
Several families are mourning the loss of a parent and navigating a time of year that magnifies the holes they leave behind.
The splendor of birthdays can get lost during the holidays. Friends leave town, parties become impossible to schedule and a day meant to celebrate you blurs into the rest of the season’s madness.
For one family, however, birthdays multiplied the season’s joy.
“Christmas has always been very special in our household,” the mother wrote to Globe Santa.
The woman’s seven-year-old son was born right after the holiday. Better yet, he shared his birthday with his father — a special day for special people. It was the best time of year until the boy’s father passed away suddenly.
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Life has been hard ever since. The boy’s dad was the family’s main provider. Gifts are a luxury the family is struggling to afford. “Heartbreaking, life-altering grief” filled the space where Christmas and birthday excitement once lived.
“It would really mean the world to us if we could make this coming Christmas/birthday as special as all the previous ones when daddy was still here,” the mother wrote.
They aren’t alone in their grief. Globe Santa heard from several families across the state who are mourning the loss of a beloved parent and navigating a time of year that magnifies the holes they leave behind.
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A brother and sister, 9-year-old twins, are coming up on their first Christmas without their father, whom they lost to colon cancer this summer. Sadness enveloped the whole family. Their mother wrote that money is tight and Christmas gifts are just out of reach.
Puzzles, books and Spider-Man toys can’t make the holidays feel more whole without their father, but they might be able to bring a little sparkle back.
When children have to make sense of life after the death of a parent, their entire world can feel flipped on its head. A seven year study out of the University of Pittsburgh found that children who lost a parent were more likely to experience depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and impaired functioning than children who had not endured a parental death. This was especially true in the first two years after a parent’s death and in children whose parents died when they were 12 or younger.
Dealing with your own grief while supporting your children is tricky, especially at the holidays. Boston’s Baker Center for Children and Families recommends that sticking to basic routines can provide a sense of stability during a holiday season that doesn’t look the same as it did before. Talking about your feelings, including sadness, can teach kids that grieving is normal and that they’re not alone.
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After her husband died, one mother has found difficulty adjusting to her new role as the only parent for her 5-year-old daughter and stepchildren. Her daughter has developmental delays, so returning to work isn’t an option.
“Helping the kids grieve and heal while grieving myself has been a never-ending rollercoaster ride,” she wrote. “Anything you could help with would be greatly appreciated.”
That’s exactly what we are here to do. For 69 years Globe Santa, a program of the Boston Globe Foundation, has provided gifts to children in need at holiday time. Please consider giving by phone, mail or online at globesanta.org.
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