Globe Santa: When grief steals the wonder from children at holiday time

It’s a promise children hear often: If they work hard and are kind, their good behavior will be rewarded at the holidays. They wait all year to tear through wrapping paper, dig into their favorite treats and snuggle with family. Earlier sunsets and the twinkle of string lights mean that the days they dream of are near.

Parents want nothing more than to watch their child beam with joy as they discover the new toy, book or clothing they so desperately wished for. But sometimes, creating the magic of the holidays is too much for one family to bear, especially following the death of a loved one.

That’s where Globe Santa steps in.

“I know it’s not all about gifts, but Christmas should be fun for my children,” a mother of two wrote to Globe Santa. “I want them to feel that Santa Claus is real. I want my children to see by doing good in school and behaving well that Santa Claus will gift you a nice gift.”

This year has been hard for her and her children, ages 6 and 2. The mother had to bury her grandmother and her cousin. Everyday items are becoming more expensive, leaving no extra money to spend on gifts.

“I am struggling with it really bad. It makes me so sad,” the mother wrote.

The holidays shine a spotlight on the holes left by lost loved ones. Another Boston-area mother is mourning the loss of her father, her son’s grandfather, from a bad fall in August. She’s raising her 11-year-old son by herself and surviving off of disability payments. In years past, her father chipped in on the family’s Christmas gifts since she couldn’t afford much.

“In a perfect world, we would rather have our dad/grandpa back if it meant no gifts. Unfortunately, the real world doesn’t work as such,” the mother wrote. “Any help is gratefully appreciated.”

There’s psychology behind why we put so much time and energy into exchanging gifts: both giving and receiving gifts activate core areas of the brain associated with reward and pleasure, cognitive neuroscientist Jessica Andrews-Hanna said in an interview published by University of Arizona News.

“The ‘warm glow of giving’ is a theory that suggests that when we give something to others, it leaves a warm fuzzy feeling in ourselves that persists over time and creates a glow of kindness about us,” said Andrews-Hanna, who teaches psychology at the University of Arizona.

The rush of feel-good chemicals can sour, however, when the stress of making the holidays happy outweighs that “warm glow.”

Often, the best present for parents is seeing a big, toothy grin spread across their kid’s face. One grandmother wrote that grief has stolen the childlike wonder from her 6-year-old granddaughter. The girl’s mother passed away years ago, leaving her to grapple with the finality of death far too young.

The young girl, the spitting image of her mother, is struggling, her grandmother writes. “Being in heaven,” she’s realizing, means that the person isn’t coming back.

“It hurts my heart to the core every time she asks questions because I don’t know how to answer her,” the grandmother wrote. “She is a loving child and I really want to see her smiling more. Can you please help me put a smile on her face?”

It would be our honor. Globe Santa’s team is working around the clock to spread holiday cheer, one gift at a time. If you are able, please consider giving by phone, mail or online at globesanta.org.

Marin Wolf is a freelance writer. She can be reached at [email protected].

For 69 years Globe Santa, a program of the Boston Globe Foundation, has provided gifts to children in need at holiday time. Please consider giving by phone, mail, or online at globesanta.org.

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