National Lobster Day is the best thing that ever happened to America
Forget Christmas or your birthday, there’s a new “best day ever’’ in town.
I wrote something back in June about how dumb arbitrary national holidays are. National Peanut Butter Day? Grab your jar of Skippy and take a hike. What are you supposed to do? Send peanut butter a card? Peanut butter can’t even read. Get outta here.
Today, I find myself in the unfortunate position of having to eat my words, because on Wednesday, the United States Senate designated September 25th National Lobster Day. At least I can dip said words in melted butter first.
Sponsored by Senator Angus King (I-ME), the “resolution [was] agreed to in Senate without amendment and with a preamble by Unanimous Consent.’’ What great news—it proves that our Senate isn’t completely broken, and we actually can get things done in congress.
Aside from giving us an excuse—nay, an imperative—to eat lobster, the day will point out the importance of the crustacean to the American people. Thousands of families make ends meet thanks to the 120,000,000 pounds of lobster meat fisherman catch in the U.S. each year. Due to the responsible nature of the fishing industry’s regulations, lobster is a sustainable catch. Profits from the lobster industry abroad have climbed from $335,800,000 in 2009 to $738,600,000 in 2014.
These are all fantastic facts. But the finer points of the resolution are what really make National Lobster Day such a beautiful holiday. Let’s let them speak for themselves:
“Whereas historical lore notes that lobster likely joined turkey on the table at the very first Thanksgiving Day feast in 1621.’’
The traditional Thanksgiving lobster! Hopefully, this resolution will lead children all over America to make handprints and turn them into lobsters rather than turkeys come November. It should’ve included a mandate that all Thanksgiving 5k road races be renamed “The Annual Thanksgiving Lobster Trot.’’
Here’s another good point the resolution made:
“Whereas Lobster Newburg was featured on the menu at the inaugural dinner celebration for President John F. Kennedy.’’
There’s a dish you don’t see on many menus anymore. It’s “an American seafood dish made from lobster, butter, cream, cognac, sherry, eggs, and Cayenne pepper,’’ according to almighty Wikipedia. This description leads me to believe that King was probably banking really hard on the JFK aspect of this selling point and hoped no one knew what the dish actually contained.
And my favorite “whereas:’’
“Whereas lobsters are one of the most healthy and nutritious sources of protein.’’
If every measure our government passed contained a healthy and nutritious source of protein, we would all be far better off. Protein is good for you. Ask anyone who does CrossFit.
In conclusion: I vow that on September 25th, I will go down to the sea (read: grocery store) and reach into it, grab a lobster (read: buy one), and kill it with my bare hands (read: get someone else to put it in the boiling water so I don’t have to listen to it clang around in the pot until it dies).
I will crack the shell, dip the meat in butter, and thank my lucky stars for the United States of America.
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