Have sex before work, don’t stand on one leg, bring a towel to a nude beach…
The good, the bad, and the ugly of this week’s Internet relationship advice.
Wondering when you should have sex? Or what the best stance (literally) is to take when it comes to qualifying your relationship? You’re in luck, because this week, the ever helpful Internet answered those questions and more.
Here, the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to loving and being loved.
1. The good: Get laid before work.
One of my friends Gchatted me this link on Thursday morning: 6 Reasons To Have Sex Before Work, Because You Deserve To Start Your Day Off With A Bang.
“This is what my morning looked like. You too, right?’’ she typed afterward. I LOLedIRL.
This type of list is my favorite thing on the Internet. It’s the equivalent of, “This New Drink Promises To Put You In The Mood For Sex’’ or “Having Sex a Lot Can Come With an Unexpected Consequence,’’ or “How to Do Shower Sex RIGHT.’’
No kidding. We should all be so lucky, right? Also…who needs to be convinced to have sex, let alone when to have it? The only thing that really needs to be on a list about why you should have sex: No. 1, Because it means you’re having sex.
2. The bad: If you stand on one leg, you’ll think your relationship is worse.
The New York Times published an article on Wednesday, titled, “How Grounded Is Your Love Life?’’ accompanied by a photo of someone standing on one leg.
And it was literally about how standing on one or both legs impacted how people perceived their relationships. Turns out, according to science, that if you ask someone how well things are going with their significant other, they’re more likely to say “not bad!’’ if they’re standing with both feet on the ground. When researchers at the University of Pittsburgh and the University of Waterloo in Canada asked participants the same questions while they were standing on one leg, the subjects gave less favorable reports.
Researchers said this phenomenon is similar to the fact that holding a cold glass of iced coffee makes people less friendly than holding a warm cup o’ joe. If you’re literally wobbly, you may think your relationship is also unstable.
The science of “embodied cognition’’ here is cool, but the real takeaway is that you need to stop asking your boyfriend how much he loves you while he’s standing on one leg. Wait until he’s got both feet on the ground in order to get the most effusive answer.
3. The ugly: How to flirt at a nude beach.
The good people over at The Cut answered the question on most people’s minds now that it’s the height of summer: What’s the best way to flirt at a nude beach?
According to the nudists they interviewed, you’re not supposed to “stare,’’ but you are allowed to “look.’’ I also learned that pickup lines that seem tacky when we’re all clothed and covered (think Joey Tribbiani’s “How you doin’?’’) seem downright lecherous when everyone is naked. Moral of the story: Be more careful. Also, if you’re a dude, bring a towel for emergency covering up, in case, you know…
So what are you waiting for? Have some sex, go to work, and then hit the nude beach. But, for the love of God, don’t even think about doing any of this without both feet firmly on the ground if you value the stability of your relationship.
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