Hey Malia, This Is Why You Should Go To College in Boston
Malia Obama was recently spotted touring Harvard and Tufts on a college tour that included Brown, Yale, Wesleyan, and Princeton.
Straight talk: She shouldn’t even bother looking at schools outside of Boston. This city would be the perfect place for her to bury her nose in books, drink beer (only once she is of age, obviously), and meet the people who will one day attend her bachelorette party. Here are the reasons why.
Reason #1: Boston is sneaky cool
Sure, we’re not the best dressed city in America, but that’s not totally our fault: There are only so many looks you can pull off when your main option is synthetic down half the year. And we’re not as big or as sexy as New York City (probably because of all that synthetic down), but we’re also not as huge, intimidating, and expensive, either. One thing’s for sure: we’re definitely cooler than any of the cities where the other schools she’s considering are located. Also, Tom and Gisele live here. Irrelevant? Never.
Reason #2: We’ve got a great music scene
Malia likes the rap collective Pro Era, as evidenced by the selfie she took last year wearing a shirt with the group’s logo on it. Well, guess what, Malia, we’ve got cool music here. If she chooses Harvard, she could go to shows at The Sinclair or Great Scott in Allston—if she’s brave enough to cross the bridge, that is. Cool, hip acts also frequent The Middle East, The Paradise, and The House of Blues. We’ve also got Boston Calling music festival, the only place it’s less weird to wear a crop top and flowers in your hair in Boston. Furthermore, if Malia wants to lay down a track of her own, there may be a student or two at Berklee School of Music willing to let her use the recording studio. How cool would it be if Malia released an album? Chelsea never released an album. Obamas: 1, Clintons: 0.
Reason #3: People here don’t really care that much about celebrities
Natalie Portman and Ashley Judd went to Harvard, and paparazzi weren’t camped out in the yard. Even the new governor doesn’t seem to care if movies film in the state anymore. Malia might garner a bit of initial attention, but people would get over it pretty quickly. Boston will give her the room to break up with a future tech mogul without Us Weekly finding out.
Reason #4: She’d be far enough away from her parents, but not TOO far
Given that side-eye she threw at her dad last Thanksgiving during his annual pardoning of the turkey, it seems like Malia might enjoy a little bit of distance from her parents. What 18-year-old wouldn’t? The only wrench in the geographical works is that the rest of her family has to move in 2016. And, if Malia ends up here, there’s a chance they’d follow her to Boston. They lived here once, they could do it again.
Reason #5: When every school is a safety school, you might as well go to Harvard
I mean, with two legacy parents, she’s definitely got a shot at getting in. Too bad her dad hasn’t done much with that degree, or anything.
To comment, please create a screen name in your profile
To comment, please verify your email address
Conversation
This discussion has ended. Please join elsewhere on Boston.com