Forget #RaceTogether: 5 More Wildly Complex Issues for Starbucks to Tackle
Starbucksrecently launched—and had to hastily defend—a campaign to encourage conversations about race relations in America. Baristas are supposed to write “Race Together’’ on the side of customers’ cups in the hopes people will talk about race relations rather than the misspelled names on their lattes.
Backlash has been immediate and immense. The senior vice president of communications for the company even deleted his Twitter account momentarily due to what he called “a cascade of negativity.’’
While some have stood up for the idea, many more have chimed in with breakdowns accusing “Race Together’’ of dumbing down one of our country’s most nuanced debates. No matter how well-meaning the campaign, it reduces an incredibly complex history concerning millions of lives and hundreds of years to a few marks of an industrial Sharpie on a disposable coffee cup.
Maybe Starbucks just took on the wrong wildly complicated issue. When asked for comment, the company responded with this statement. We in turn responded with a few suggested campaigns of our own.
#IncreaseInterestRatesTogether
Baristas are encouraged to ask customers if they think the Fed will raise interest rates this year. They’ll ask follow-ups like: Would that be a big vote of confidence for the U.S. economy? Did Obama save our economy? Who is Obama? What is an economy? Why do they call them “economy’’ vehicles? Do you have an “economy’’ vehicle? Conversations comparing baristas’ and customers’ personal incomes are also encouraged, as they will build trust and promote a culture of openness that America sorely lacks.
#ImmigrateTogether
Baristas will write “Immigrate Together’’ on the side of each customer’s cup, and then ask when that customer’s parents came to the United States. Did they take a boat? Did they fly? Did they go through Ellis Island? Does the customer currently have legal status in the U.S.? If so, are they a natural born citizen? Are they here on a visa? A green card? Are they married? Did they marry their spouse for love or for a green card? Until we’re willing to delve into these deeply personal issues, we’re just not doing enough.
#StringTheoryTogether
Baristas will draw squiggles on customers’ cups, and customers have to guess what they are. When they fail to guess correctly, baristas will tell them that they’re one-dimensional objects that make up theoretical frameworks and replace the point-like particles of particle physics. Customers and baristas are encouraged to debate whether string theory, since it incorporates gravity, is a candidate for being the <a href=”theory of everything. Physics matters, and America needs to start talking about it while enjoying a Venti Chai Latte.
#TwoStateSolutionTogether
Baristas will dive right into conversations about the situation in Israel and Palestine. Preparing a cup of Teavana® Passion Tango™ is the only way to segue into the subject: “So, speaking of hot water, they’re certainly in some over in the Middle East, am I right?’’ Customers will be asked to open up and give their thoughts on the two state solution, on Netanyahu’s reelection, and how they feel about religion in government. Baristas should also feel comfortable asking customers about their religious beliefs. When was the last time they went to their house of worship? Why don’t they go more often? What would their mother think? Why can’t they be more like their brother, who goes every week?
#RocketScienceTogether
Everyone’s always like, “It’s not rocket science.’’ But what if it is?! Baristas are encouraged to break down the stereotypes that rocket scientists face by asking each customer if he or she is a rocket scientist. If not, why? Are they intimidated by science? Are they afraid of rockets? Why isn’t it rocket science, and why do they always assume that it’s not when it might be? Come on, guys. We can do better.
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