I don’t have experience with this kind of family estrangement, but I can tell you that chosen family is special, and that finding your people is possible.

I have found chosen family through activities I love. Journalism (work), music, movies, and food. It wasn’t so intentional; I didn’t seek out best friends and sibling-like associations by pursuing my passions, but similar people were just kind of … around.

I suggest finding activities that bring you joy and paying attention to who else is there.

Also, don’t discount online communities! I know we all talk about being too digital, and that maybe the internet is why so many people are lonely, but I happen to think online groups are very important. This one (on Love Letters) has led to friendships and weddings. Twitter, when it was good Twitter, helped me find book lovers who turned out to live close by (love you, Margaret). 

Social media platforms are messy these days, but there are still community forums for knitting, cooking, running, and yes, even dealing with estrangement from relatives. Some of them have cool people on them. I find that when someone is online, they spend a lot of time reading and engaging. They lean in. They’re seeking company. If you want to brainstorm ideas for safe places to visit, email me some of your hobbies and we’ll get going.

Give it time, but please know it’s possible. Sometimes letting go of one thing makes the perfect amount of room for another. 

Just do what you like – and when you meet someone cool, ask questions.

– Meredith

Readers? How have you found chosen family? How did it evolve over time? Have you made connections as a parent? 

Send your own letter here – or to [email protected]. I’m reading.